An Open Letter To NFL Free Agent Kirk Cousins
With the official NFL Free Agency period quickly approaching, the dominos have begun to fall into place, abruptly altering the assumed pecking order throughout the league. The Cleveland Browns took the bull by the horns yesterday, making multiple big time moves. NFL insiders now think they have a better idea as to how the rest of the offseason, draft included, will play out. Kirk Cousins remains the best free agent QB available, and everyone expects him to cash out. Kirk took to Twitter to announce that he is excited to finally be able to choose his own team, and is looking for any advice or suggestions to aid in his decision. It was an easy decision for me to reach out.
Dearest Kirk,
I hope this letter finds you well. I have admired your mediocrity from afar over the last 3+ years. You see, I am a huge New York Jets fan. I bleed green and white, and it’s uncomfortable because I am often judged for this same fact. Being a Jets fan is not fun, by any means. There is nothing glorified about it.
My earliest memories of being a Jets fan include owning both home and away Wayne Chrebet and Keyshawn Johnson jerseys. I had a laminated Glenn Foley picture taped to my wall. Testeverde was my first QB I remember investing in. He was mine, whether he won or lost. What a fucked up little kid I must’ve been.
Curtis Martin showed me what it was like to have a really good player on your team. I could brag about him to friends and family who rooted for teams that actually won. Laveranues Coles was dope. Santana Moss was really cool when we drafted him. I had that jersey too. Chad Pennington and Mark Sanchez and so many other mediocre QBs made it so that no matter how many weapons we had on offense, we never really got anything to show for it.
Being a Jets fan has humbled me more than anything. For any devoted New York sports fan, there are a few things that stand true, no matter which teams you root for. Once we have chosen our allegiance, for whatever reason that may be, we are stuck with those choices for life. We are aggressively passionate, and passionately aggressive. We overreact to everything, be it good or bad. Everything means something, and whatever that something is, we are gonna feel it.
I guess what I’m saying is that even though rooting for the New York Jets has left me with countless memories of disappointment and anger and even more frustration, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m not exactly sure how to explain the way I feel about a team that consistently lets me down, because the anecdotes I fall back on when questioning my fandom do not shine an adequate light on what it means to root for the Jets.
We have never had a great quarterback in my lifetime. Really in any lifetime, if you exclude Joe Namath. For me, the starting quarterback for the Jets has always been a lot more complex than a matter of statistics, or wins and losses. In order to maintain my own sanity and a sliver of happiness, I’ve had to find other ways to evaluate whether or not I was satisfied with who was under center.
You wouldn’t expect a man with no feet to spend his free time shopping for shoes online. It would do nothing other than upset him and remind him that he doesn’t have any feet. For the Jets, to judge a QB strictly on “how good he is?” or even “how many super bowls has he won?” would just not be fair to anyone. Those are not realistic expectations. It is all about silver linings. Everything is relative, Kirk.
Did Mark Sanchez win us a super bowl? No, but he did take us to two AFC Championships, and I think for that reason every Jets fan still has a small place for him in their hearts. No matter how much we all hated Mark Sanchez every time he was strip sacked on a big possession, he did also give us some very happy months.
Is Kellen Clemens even a name worth remembering? Probably not, but I spent many a Sunday trying to convince myself and others that this was the week Kellen Clemens was going to take the next step in his development and turn into the franchise QB we desperately needed.
Why mention those two? Well, my point here is that for Jets fans, success and our ultimate happiness is a lot more complex than many would think. Of course we want to win. Of course we want Super Bowls. But we are also realistic. I know I can’t speak for everyone who roots for the same team as me, but I’m gonna do it anyway.
We want you to come to New York and be our quarterback, Kirk. Come on, it will be fun. You don’t need to be Aaron Rodgers. You don’t even need to be Tom Brady. We’re not asking for that. We just want a guy who isn’t 40, can throw some touchdowns to our young, talented receivers, and put some points on the board so our young and even more talented defense can get some rest and perform to their potential.
If you choose to come to New York, regardless of the buzz you think you hear, you will be a beloved figure. You will be the most talented QB we have seen since Brett Favre, and with the sour taste left in our mouth from the past few seasons, your sweet lips will be well received.
Do I want to kiss you? No, don’t be weird, Kirk. That was just a metaphor for how happy you will make Jets fans by simply not sucking. You don’t have to be the best, or even the 5th best. Just come to New York and don’t suck, and I promise you it will be the best decision you’ve ever made in your life.
I look forward to hearing from you down the road.
Best Regards,
The Hound.