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Hey Hockey Reddit. Quit Narcing On Erik Karlsson For Packing Snus During Games

There’s one complaint that I see relatively frequently when I do my nightly rounds through the comment section. That critique is usually you bastards complaining about seeing something on Reddit maybe 15 minutes before a blog was posted about said topic. First of all–not every blog that is published immediately goes up as soon as it’s finished. Somebody could write a blog at 7:15 in the morning and they hold on to it until 3 in the afternoon. Also, fucking of course we get shit from Reddit. It’s the goddamn internet and everything on the internet is on Reddit.

Anyway, I’m checking through Reddit seeing if there are any more highlights I need to write about today and I stumble across this post from Reddit user Chriscftb97. Aka the biggest fucking narc on planet Earth.

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Ummmmmm hey, dickwad. Are you fucking kidding me with this? Chriscftb97 is undoubtedly some little shit who had to eat lunch with the teachers in school because nobody else wanted him at their table. Holy shit, man. You’re just gonna dime the guy out like that? And it’s not even like you’re breaking any major news here. It’s been pretty well known now for at least a year or two that Erik Karlsson likes to pack a lip while he’s saucing around out there on the ice. Buddy just likes to get a little buzz on while he’s lighting folks up in the best league in the world. Not a big deal or anything.

What is a big deal, however, is your dumb ass making a post on Reddit about it and then pinpointing specific instances when Karlsson could be seen with a lip in his mouth. That’s messed up. You just said in your post that the first offense is a $250 fine and then it’s $500 any time after that. By my calculations, you just dimed Erik Karlsson out of $2,750 you little rat bastard.

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Now here’s the dilemma I’m currently running into. Am I also ratting out Erik Karlsson by ratting on the rat? Personally, I say “no”. I’m fully on board the EK65 dipper train. Hockey players and dip go together like checking your bank account statement and wanting to kill yourself. Should Erik Karlsson have to pay $2,750 for doing everything that I’d say 85% of hockey players across the globe do? No friggin chance, buds. I’m simply here to say snitches get stitches. If some dweeb on the hockey Reddit page wants to point to the rulebook then point to specific instances when Erik Karlsson broke the rules just because he needed to get a mid-game buzz on, then I hope he knows he’s got a ton of stitches coming his way. Bitch move.

Wonder how fat that first lip is going to be for Karlsson when he suits up for Vegas next year.

@BarstoolJordie