Rob Gronkowski dropped this on an unsuspecting world over the weekend. I’ve been mulling it over for the last 48 hours trying to decipher the meaning like Indiana Jones trying interpret some ancient text that tells where the Grail is hidden. And I’ve gotten nowhere. But naturally when there’s all sorts of rampant speculation about what’s up with his “future” and “destiny,” there’s only going to be one unanimous reaction: Panic. Full on, five alarm fucking panic. Mainly in GIF form:
Forseee [sic] your own future, control your own temptations, and your destiny will be not just be reached, it will just be starting.
I still don’t know. I wish I could crack this Gronkvinci Code, but I’m completely at a loss. But then, I’ve never read a cryptic Tweet that announces “I’m quitting what I’m best in the world at to go wrestle,” so I don’t know what one sounds like. I’d prefer to think there’s nothing to it, but if you through Gronk’s timeline for 30 seconds you’ll see he’s not prone to this sort of thing. His Tweets are all mostly paid ads or pleas for some charity he’s involved in, with a sprinkling of messages about a playoff game coming up or the NBA All Star game or something. He’s not that mom on your Facebook page who’s always posting deep messages of motivation she finds on Pinterest.
So what is this? Is is something Gronk wrote himself? Something from a Kalil Gibran poem? Was it the title card of a Clone Wars episode he watched? Did he get it from a fortune cookie? It almost sounds like he was trying to do Ty Webb’s “Be the ball” speech to Danny Noonan and he just it got wrong. The best case scenario is Gronk heard it from some Philosophy major he banged Friday night and just liked the way it sounded when she said it.
And the worst case scenario is that this is him laying the groundwork for an announcement that he’s going to take an offer to go work for Vince McMahon. And that’s too horrible to contemplate. All I do know for certain is we are now into three straight months of everything swirling around this Patriots team feeling eerie, grim and ominous. And Gronk pontificating about his destiny instead of taking his shirt off in bars and body slamming his brothers the way God intended is not helping the mood one goddamned bit.