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Team USA Won Gold When Jocelyn Lamoureaux Put Canada's Goalie In A BLENDER

Me immediately after that goal…

I mean that was just FILTH. I’m obviously very anti shootouts deciding a gold medal game but holy tamole was that disgusting. Kinda want to take an adderall and just stay up all night watching it on repeat. Lamo had that goalie looking like someone stepping out their door to go to work at 7 AM, not having all their wits about them, and stepping on a sheet of ice then slipping everywhere and losing control of their entire body. By the time Lamoureaux shot the puck the goalie wasn’t even in the same zip code anymore. TJ Oshie was cool for a little while but Jocelyn Lamoureaux is America’s shootout sweetheart now. Eat her fucking shorts, TJ. (still love you tho)

If only someone had foreshadowed it earlier in the night…

PS – Do I get a medal? I think I do?