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Oh Great. Connor McDavid Is No-Scope Sniping So Now We're All In Big Trouble

Well it was a fun ride while it lasted. Connor McDavid made his NHL debut on October 8, 2015. What we learned right away is that there is no way that anybody in the league can slow him down. Aside from Michael Cera, he’s the fastest kid alive. Are Superbad references still in? Heck yes they’re still in and they’ll never be out. But yeah, right off the bat everybody knew that there was no stopping this kid when it came to his speed. And when he’s 1v1 with the goalie on a breakaway after dusting the other 9 guys on the ice? It’s game over, kid has hands softer than puppy ears. So the world’s only hope against Connor McDavid? Perhaps he would never turn into an elite level sniper in the league. You can have all the speed you want but there’s still a goaltender in between the pipes looking to keep that little black rubber disc out of the net. And then this happened in Colorado last night.

No look laser to the blocker side and it’s in the back of the net. He doesn’t even need eyes on the net anymore before ending your life. How do you stop that? How do we stop Connor McDavid from making a mockery out of the league and turning the NHL into his personal playground? I mean I guess you make Pete Chiarelli his general manager and just hope that does the trick. But as far as on the ice goes? You simply cannot stop him. He’s faster than everybody else. He has hands that are just as silky as everybody else. And now Connor McDavid could lose both of his eyes and still be able to snipe at an elite level. He had a hat trick last night, by the way. Good thing we don’t get to watch the greatest talent in the world at the Olympics.

A few other loose pucks from last night:

– Taylor Hall is currently riding an 18-game point scoring streak. Imagine if the Edmonton Oilers were able to have him and McDavid on the same team together. Holy hell. I guess we can only dream.

– Claude Giroux sniped the tits off of Henrik Lundqvist for his 200th career goal. I’m currently working on uploading this video to PornHub.

– Auston Matthews. Apparently much better at hockey than he is at Fortnite.