How The Hell Can You Be An American Male And Have Never Once Wore Or Owned A Pair Of Jeans?

Sidenote: Just found this Charlie Butt Dance Remix and it is so beyond fire I can’t even stand it.

So Mo had a blog earlier with Tommy Hilfiger explaining how you should never wash jeans. 100% true. If you wash your jeans you also wash away part of your soul. But that’s neither here nor there. Barstool commentator willburham had a couple interesting things to say in the dungeons of that blog:

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Wait, what? How does that happen? Granted this is the same kid who decided to wear some sort of Klan mask on KFC radio one time and Wranglers don’t come cheap for those who look like they reside in some sort of shanty.

In my opinion there are only 3 possible explanations for this and you’re either A) More legless than Lieutenant Dan, B) European or C) The weirdest motherfucker and/or biggest psychopath in the entire country. What do you wear to a bar if you don’t have jeans? Straight slacks it from work? Wear khakis all the time like your mother dresses you or like a damned Kennedy on the cape for the summer? Are you one of those legitimate crazies in school who used to wear shorts every day even though it was snowing out? Never once made eye contact with one of those kids because I think a part of me would’ve died if I did.

Do I like wearing jeans? Not particularly. I would rather wake up on fire than realize I’ve drunkenly slept in jeans. If it were socially acceptable I would never change out of mesh shorts and old, free intramural t-shirts for the rest of my life. But that’s not the world we live in. We live in a society. And for someone to just dismiss the notion of ever wearing jeans is so borderline crazy I might have to expect it.

Now explain yourself willburham, or get the permanent imTough treatment.

PS – I have a friend who legitimately still calls jeans “Dungarees”. Have considered multiple times no longer being his friend since.