BOSTON — Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Boston is being named the most romantic city in America.
Instacart started analyzing 12 internet search terms last year, which included words like “heart,” “flowers,” and “chocolate” to see which cities used them the most.
For the second year in a row, Instacart ranked Boston at the top of the list.
The least romantic? Indianapolis, which carries the nickname “Naptown.”
The timing of this is ironic not just because it’s Valentine’s Day. But because just yesterday I mentioned I want to start a discount analysis company called No Shit Research that gives you common sense answers to simple questions without wasting your time and money with all sorts of high tech methodology. And now here we have a study that proves what I could have told Instacart in one second for free.
Of course Boston is the most romantic place in America. If not the world. And I don’t need to comb through billions of lines of online code to know that. Anyone who’s ever been here can see that with their own eyes.
What other place could be as romantic as Boston? I admit I’ve never been to Europe, but you can’t tell me any place in Paris can compare to the sight of a Saugus chick in a Patrice Bergeron jersey making her way from the bars on Canal Street to the Garden across that part of Causeway they’ve been digging up since 1994. No sunset along the beaches of LA could compare to a sunrise over the Fish Pier with the planes coming in low to Logan. Nothing can stimulate the senses like the sweet aroma of ancient piss at Park Street when you’re taking your date to the Public Gardens. I’ll take bringing a date to Dollar Draft Bud Light Night at the bars outside of Quincy Market over all the cafes on Park Ave in New York. And have you ever seen the kind of love than can only bloom while day drinkng on top of a blackened snowbank during a Duckboat parade? There’s nothing like it to make you believe in true romance. Nothing in all the cities in all the world.
Not to mention the Boston accent is drop dead sexy:
Now, I’m not about to disparage Instacart’s methods, which I’m sure were wicked scientific. But it’s possible all those searches for “heart” were about cholesterol, “flowers” was for Trey and Marquis, and “chocolate” might have been more of a Craigslist personal ads thing. But however they reached their conclusion, they are correct. Boston is the City of Champions and the City of Romance.
P.S. Get your shit together, Indy. No wonder Josh McDaniels dumped you.