In Dangerous Twist, Town In England Reverses Ban On 83-Year-Old Man High-Fiving Children As They Cross The Street

ITV News- A lollipop man has been banned from giving children a ‘high five’ as they cross the road safely over fears it distracts him from his job.

Colin Spencer, 83, has been a lollipop man in Stockport for 14 years and the highlight of his day is greeting children he helps get to school safely with a cheerful high five.

But Stockport Council have said it is a distraction from his duties, leaving him and the children he looks out for heartbroken.

“I’ve never had a child hurt in 14 years,” he said. “I’ve never been hurt myself. If they sack me, that’s fair enough, that’s their business.”

An incredibly sensible ban has been reversed due to a couple angry, shortsighted parents. Look at this guy. There’s no chance he can focus on high-fiving kids and stopping cars from running them over. Once you turn 70, your ability to multi-task declines quicker than your muscle strength. The more that a human looks like a turkey neck, with their elbow skin drooping to their knees, the less that person is able to do 2 things at once. Let old man Spencer keep his cataracts-addled eyes on the road. I’m tired of reading news stories of children dying because old men were high-fiving them instead of spotting that oncoming Range Rover driven by the bankrupt dad who just finished a 48-hour bender.

More importantly, why is he high-fiving these kids? What’s his motive? That old warning of “never get into a van with a stranger offering you candy” is so outdated. We need to start teaching our kids new lessons, because these sickos have adapted. They figured out that WE had figured them out with their vans and candy, so they evolved and are now one step ahead of parents and children. Well, I guess they’re always a step ahead of children, because children are stupid. But we, as responsible adults, need to add “don’t high five traffic lollipop men” to that list. It’s a slippery slope! One day, little Mikey is high-fiving the friendly old traffic guy; the next, he’s rubbing essential oils into his droopy ass cheeks behind Sam’s Club. Why? Because a year of high-fives built up trust! That’s the way they get ya. High-fives are the gateway drug to some very bad behavior. It’s a long con, and we need to prepare our children for it.

PS- I love British English. Lollipop man is not a term I’d ever heard before.