Chaps' Mail Bag: Gaz From Boston Has A Question About Farts

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Thanks for the question Gaz. Now, let me be clear… I’m not a gassy fellow. In fact, many of my friends have often commented about my lack of farts (poots).

“Hey Chaps. Never heard you fart, my man. What’s the deal with that? You just hold it in until you let’er loose in the old commode? Polite!”

Truth be known, I fart once a day and only once a day and have for years. In fact, that trend started in Summer of ’89. It was a mild summer. El Nino? Impossible to be sure. I’ll have to ask longtime Stoolie Frankie from Nova Scotia. He’s got his own TV station now. I bet he’ll know. Incredible.

Anyway, I have thought about your question in the past, Gaz. I’ve thought, “is smelling someone’s fart in your mouth the same thing as getting a kiss blown at your from their lips?” I have to say that it is. I mean, the cook doesnt let you smell the soup unless they are offering it up as the main course in a few minutes. One bite. Everybody nose the rules.

I hope that clears things up. The wind of the butt is the bodily function version of an invitation (RSVP) to the table. The meal of the season, lest we forget, is ass. #AssEatinSZN