HOLD UP WAIT A MINUTE, Y’ALL THOUGHT BIG CLICK NICK WAS FINISHED??!
Nope I’m just getting warmed up and mostly trying to get on Jason Kelce’s level. The Eagles are leaving the Rocky Steps now and it was absolute bedlam from start to finish, kicked off once again by Philly’s most favorite musical son. When THE FUCK are we gonna #FreeMeek? Not for nothing but he better be out by Banner Night.
After that it was a few inspiring but mostly textbook speeches, although even run of the mill stuff is pure Eagles porn today. Here’s the rundown:
Big Dick Nick
“I’ve never seen so many people in one spot, celebrating IN UNITY, one thing. To be a part of the Philadelphia Eagles, to be a part of these guys… It’s one of the greatest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It is a honor for us to have brought you a Super Bowl…” -BDN
Big Dick Doug
“We are NOT DONE yet, we have more to go, more to prove. THIS is our new norm, to be playing football in February…” -BDD
The UNDERDOGS Lane Johnson and Chris Long
“Lemme tell you something, if you like the way this feels and you wanna start feeling it more often… GIMME A HELL YEA” -BDL
Unmeasurable Phallus Kelce
“NO ONE WANTED US, NO ONE LIKED THIS TEAM, NO ANALYST PICKED THIS TEAM TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL, AND NOBODY LIKES OUR FANS…” -UPK
Smooth Cock Carson
“As I stand here today and look out here, I think y’all are more than crazy. Y’all truly are the best football fans in the world, and you make it a joy and a pleasure playing for you…. Last thing I gotta say is, I HOPE Y’ALL CAN GET USED TO THIS.”-SCC
Was that as good for you as it was for me? I’d run through a brick wall right now if only I wasn’t just drained of ALL my juices. Let’s do it again next year Bird Gang! And buy this shirt while you still can… I believe… I BELIEVE… I BELIEVE IN