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Doritos Is Finally Making A Chip For People With Vaginas (Women)

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Bosses at Doritos have revealed they are to launch a new “lady-friendly” version of the snack which are quieter to eat and a lot less messy.

Food and drinks giant PepsiCo — which owns Doritos — has claimed research has found women do not like to crunch loudly or lick their fingers when eating in front of others.

Global chief exec Indra Nooyi said: “Although women would love to crunch crisps loudly, lick their fingers and pour crumbs from the bag into their mouth afterwards, they prefer not to do this in public.

Ah, finally. The people with lady brains and lady mouths will be able to enjoy a tasty cool ranch snack, if that’s not too spicy for their delicate palate, without that yucky mess on their fingers.

Fellas, imagine it’s before Labor Day and your girl walks in with white pants on that make her ass absolutely pop. While admiring her bottom, you notice that she’s absolutely riddled with Doritos dust. You get upset because she’s supposed to be a trophy. What kinda trophy is covered with snack dust? She cant lick it off her fingers either because that would simulate oral sex (the licking and whathaveyou mimics the motion that some women use during fellatio). She could stop eating Doritos altogether but you don’t wanna rob her of delicious treats. Troublesome!

Well, that’s not a concern anymore. Doritos is doing us all a favor and making Doritos with a delicate twist. And for that, I say, “Thank you and Namaste.”