A Funeral Home Is Offering Free Pizza To Get People In The Door To Pre-Plan Their Funeral

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BROOKFIELD — It’s a pizza party you’ll remember for the rest of your life. Krause Funeral Home is offering a unique approach to get you to think about death: free pizza. On Tuesday, Jan. 30, the funeral home will offer free pizza as an incentive to get people in to pre-plan their funeral. A gimmick? You bet — but organizers say pre-planning could save you thousands of dollars in the long run. It’s the kind of invitation that made Janice and Dale Cassle do a double-take. “We got a postcard in the mail,” Janice Cassle said. “It’s a creative way of doing it,” Dale Cassle said.

That’s gonna be a no from me dog. Yeah I love pizza but I’m not pre-planning my own funeral. That’s not a thing I’m gonna do. That’s not something people do. I’ll be leaving that task up to my kids or grand kids or whoever my family is at the time of my unfortunate death. Planning your own funeral is too much. It’s one thing to write a will and to get your affairs in order. That’s customary.

The funeral does have the right idea, though. There are three certainties in life. Death, taxes and people loving pizza. So they’re hitting two out of the three certainties. That’s a good batting average. Maybe they should hire an accountant and knock out all three. But that’s still not getting me in the door. Imagine chowing down on a slice of pepperoni and then somebody looks you in the face and says, “So let’s talk about the ceremony that’ll be held a few days after you leave this Earth FOREVER. The ceremony where people will likely whisper your name for the last time for the rest of eternity.” That would cause me to lose my appetite. Might even puke on the table a little. I don’t do well with death in general. It’s scary and sad. I certainly wouldn’t do well with talk of my own death. So these folks can keep their pizza and I will plan on not planning what happens after I drop dead.