Let's Roast The Shit Out Of The World's Tallest Man's Shoes

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This big bitch is the tallest man on the planet measuring a massive 8ft 1in. Adding in the 1 inch in his bio is so damn cocky. 8 Feet tall is enough. No reason to pad the stats with the extra inch. Huge. But, I bet he doesnt have any handles. I bet he cant hit a jumper with a man in his face/groin. I bet he cant run the court and play D on a fast break. Sultan Kosen is from Turkey and guess what? He’s a turkey. Boom, roasted.

Truth be known, I don’t know Sultan personally and I feel bad about calling him a turkey. I’m sure he’s a nice fella with some custom-made shoes. I’m sure he likes to have a little trip about town whilst sitting with his legs hanging over the edge in the back of a pick-up truck. I bet he waves to the children in his city like he’s an 8-foot version of Princess Dianna. Ole Gargantuan Princess Bride Head Ass. Ole God Save Our Queen Ass Giant. Ole Give Me A Spot Of Tea Way Up Here Lookin Boy. Ole Calling An Elevator A Lift Head Ass.

That being said, the big boys in the giant realm always have the worst shoes. It’s 2018. Cant we find a Turkish cobbler who can whittle some stylish clogs? Cant we sew some Hardaway 1s on him? Cant we find him an old pair of Reebok Kamikaze at a Reebok outlet store? If I was a big-footed monster, I’d go to outlet stores to buy my shoes. They always have enormous shoes on sale and socks too. Stylish and thrifty? That’d be my mantra if I was one of the world’s “freaks.” I’d either do that or Crocs. Size 45 crocs would be hilarious. People would laud me for my humor and ability to self-deprecate despite my enormous stature… Kinda cool. Sure, being a giant wasn’t easy for me growing up but it’s allowed me to travel the world, talk about matters that are important to me, and meet people like my new friend Jyoti Amge who is so tiny that it looks like she’s holding the world’s largest iPad even though it’s a phone.

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A blessing and a curse? No. Just a blessing. Have a good day down there.

-Chaps the 8-foot, 2-inch giant

PS. Typing is hard with my huge fingers!