BREAKING NEWS: Brad Marchand Suspended Five Games For Dropping People's Elbow



YEEEEEESSSSHHHH, Bradley. That’s not good. I watched this clip dozens of times last night trying to figure out what Marchand was doing here. And the conclusion I drew is that he threw an unnecessarily dirty elbow to Marcus Johansson’s head and would get a four game suspension for the ‘Brad is back on his bullshit’ antics.

I was off by one.

The NHL gave him a five game bid for his foolishness. I know things look worse when slowed down and the play is crazy fast in real time. But I don’t buy that if was a defensive move to protect himself for potential contact from Johansson (as coach Bruce Cassidy asserted); it looked like he was doing the Chicken Dance just as he passed the Swede and sent him onto Queer Street when his well-placed elbow doinked the Devil’s dome.

Given that hits to the head are what the league is trying to rid itself of, a suspension here was a no-brainer and the only question was how many the repeat offender Marchand would get. The boys at PMT have a hilarious bit called “Peter King ate the trash again”. For #63 on the Bruins, it’s “Brad Marchand bit the two-year-old next door again”.

Maybe in his heart of hearts, Marchand really thought he was trying to protect himself while avoiding barreling into the goalie. But he long ago forfeited any benefit of the doubt with his dirty shit over the years. Yet even if we did give it to him, pics don’t lie.

Brad always straddles the line and occasionally crosses it. That he crossed it with a head-shot elbow resulting in a concussion the day after Marc Savard retired was just an ugly irony added to an ugly situation. He cost himself a chance at 40 goals last year with foolishness. Now, he’s taken himself out of playing a key role on the league’s hottest team just as they’re breathing down Tampa’s neck.

Brad, clean it the fuck up, man. You’re too goddamn good for this shit. We’re all sick of saying this.