Glen Perkins Announces His Retirement From Baseball


MLB- Three-time All-Star Glen Perkins has decided to hang up his spikes, as general manager Thad Levine, while on Twins Caravan, told Minnesota radio station 1390 Granite City Sports that the left-hander will retire.

Perkins, 34, spent his entire 12-year career pitching in the Twin Cities, and was an All-Star closer from 2013-15. He spent his first full Major League season in 2008 as a starter, going 12-4 with a 4.41 ERA in 26 starts. He soon transitioned to the bullpen for the remainder of his career starting in 2011, going 35-25 with a 3.88 ERA and 120 saves over 409 appearances. At his peak from 2011-15, Perkins posted a 2.84 ERA with 340 strikeouts in 313 1/3 innings.

Saw this news come across my timeline through various mentions on Twitter and I just wanted to write a quick blog about it. Glen Perkins may not have been the best pitcher in baseball. Or even the best reliever. But he was clearly a common man that worked his way to the top of his profession. He was born in Minnesota, grew up in Minnesota, played college baseball for the Minnesota Golden Gophers, and was drafted by the Minnesota Twins in the first round of the 2004 MLB Draft. Dude’s a fucking Minnesota legend up there with Paul Bunyan, Bob Dylan, and the guy that played Stiffler in the American Pie movies.

Perkins quickly ascended through the ranks of the Twins minor league system until he made the big league club in 2006. He bounced around from the Majors to different levels of A-ball until he stuck with the team in 2011. He replaced Matt Capps (what a throwback name that is) as Twins closer in 2012 and never looked back. Three All-Star games and countless memories for legions of Twins fans later, he hangs them up and is ready to move on to the next phase of his life, which sounds pretty awesome.

Oh yeah and shout out to Perkins for also being the best looking player in the game for a while. Namely the year the picture at the top of this blog was taken because it looks IDENTICAL to me 5 years, 50 pounds, and 1 child ago.


I see that picture with the Stool and stars photoshopped in every single day on Twitter and think it’s me every single time. Then when I realize it’s not me, I get mindfucked into another dimension. It’s actually kind of fun. I would draft Perkins every year in fantasy after I found out he looked like me. That worked out great during his All-Star seasons. Not so much during his injury-riddled 2016 and 2017.

Anyway, godspeed on your retirement Glen. As the musical poet Steven Tyler once said, “Life’s a journey, not a destination”. Take it away, Steven.

Just for the record:


And that was talking Glen Perkins and Aerosmith hits from the mid-90s