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How To Guide On Surviving Philadelphia If You're A Vikings Fan Coming To Town

So we’re just a few days away from the NFC Championship game and the wonderful people of Minnesota are already shitting their pants about traveling here for the game. They’re so worried, in fact, that people are actually booking flights that put you into Philly right before the game starts and gets you out of town immediately after the game. Here are some precautionary quotes from the video above:

“I would advise you not to be over inebriated, because they will be”

“If the Vikings win, yes, I would take off any sort of colors. I know it sounds ridiculous like we’re almost talking about gangs here. But it’s no joke down in Philly”. 

While I’m flattered they think we’re a bunch of blood thirsty savages who are looking to murder anybody wearing purple on Sunday, I have to admit they might be going just a tad overboard with their expectations here. Don’t get me wrong. If you’re coming to this game from Minnesota, you’re not going to walk in to a picnic and leave here with a bunch of new best friends. I’d consider having a slightly shitty time to be a success story for Vikings fans. But if you’re coming to the game from Minnesota and you’re looking to get out of here thinking to yourself, “hey, Philly isn’t that bad after all”, there’s a pretty simple step-by-step procedure to follow.

Step 1: Make sure you tell the locals you’ve tried a classic Philadelphia steak & cheese sub from Wawa and that it was delish!

Step 2: Philly fans are known for being accepting of other cultures’ traditions. So make sure that you and all your other Minnesota buddies do the Skol clap as often and as loud as possible. Heck, maybe the Philly fans will even join in at some point.

Step 3: Don’t be a horse. I cannot stress this point enough. Do. Not. Be. A. Horse.

Step 4: Sylvester Stallone will be at the game on Sunday. Philly fans love when you remind them that while Sylvester Stallone is a real life human being, Rocky is just a fictional character he portrays in a movie. Bring it up as an ice breaker.

And that’s about it. 4 simple and easy steps to follow to assure that you’ll have a wonderful experience in the City of Brotherly Love. If you still feel a little uneasy about making the trip, maybe find yourself a McNabb Vikings jersey to wear since that’ll put everybody’s brain in a pretzel long enough for you to safely escape before the Philly fans decide if they still hate you or not. But I really wouldn’t worry about anything besides not wanting to ever leave.

Seriously though. Just show up to the game and don’t be a dickhead. It’s as simple as that.  Are you going to get called an asshole numerous times throughout the day? Surely. Is there a chance that somebody might waste their $14 Bud Light on your head during the game? It’s an unfortunate probability. But as long as you come in here and you’re not actively going out of your way to anger 70,000 fans who are on edge enough as is, you’ll be fine. Philly fans can certainly be dicks. Not all of us but some of us. However, people forget that it takes two dicks to tango. I’m not talking about gay sex. I’m just saying that if you act like a dick, then another dick is going to come along and that’s when shit gets out of hand. If you come in here and treat Eagles fans with respect, I can’t promise that we’ll treat you with respect back but I can promise that nobody is going to try to fight you. What more could you possibly ask for?

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@BarstoolJordie