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Lauri Markkanen Saying Phil Jackson Forced Him To Eat Raw Meat At A Pre-Draft Dinner Is Such A Ridiculous Yet Believable Story

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NYDN- One of the few previous times Lauri Markkanen was in New York, he dined with Phil Jackson as part of the pre-draft process. The feeling from the Knicks, at that time, was Markkanen could serve as a replacement for Kristaps Porzingis should Jackson pull the trigger on the trade offers that were flooding his phone for the Latvian. “He made me taste raw fish, or raw steak,” Markkanen told the Daily News. “I didn’t like it.” We all know how the rest of the story unfolded: The Knicks kept Porzingis, drafted Frank Ntilikina one spot after the Bulls took Markkanen, and Jackson was fired.

Going out to dinner with someone that may hire you is always a tough spot. It’s not as formal as an interview because beers and mozzarella sticks may be placed in front of you at any moment. But it’s also not just a typical trip to a restaurant. You always have to be on your game when dealing with your potential future boss. I still remember the first time I met Pres in person. I was real nervous. I didn’t even know Dave read any of my blogs during my year as a part-timer, let alone knew who I was before KFC said he wanted to meet about expanding my role at Barstool. And as any Stoolie knows, Dave doesn’t pull punches. If he doesn’t like you or if he thinks you are a Nazi, he is going to tell you to your face. Anyway, we met up at a bar right around the corner from where HQ ended up being to have a few beers and talk about potentially joining the pirate ship. Since we were talking so much, I didn’t even get to look at the menu and the waiter was clearly getting fed up. I blindly ordered a beer which turned out to be a Nantucket beer and the rest is mediocre blogging history. Now would I have gotten the job if I didn’t eeny meeny miney mo a Nantucket beer? I like to think so. But I’m really not sure. I just know that I am very happy I ordered that beer.

Which is why I can’t even fathom what Lauri Markkanen. must have been thinking when he was out with the Zen Master. Imagine meeting Phil Jackson in person after he said he was thinking about trading Kristaps Porzingis because he skipped a fucking exit meeting? Anyone that is older than 70 and has millions of dollars is a wild card at any time. Those dudes are always the scariest villains in movies.

And we don’t know if Markkanen was the player that was working out for the Knicks when Phil allegedly took a snooze. But if it was, that definitely could get into his head. Regardless, you know this meal was definitely the early bird special because if not that old son of a bitch was definitely passing out in his ossobuco. Phil probably figured if you will eat something you don’t want to eat like raw steak or sushi on his recommendation, you will run the offense that became the punchline on the endless conveyer belt of jokes the Knicks franchise was under Jackson. The reason Trump shoved that meatloaf down Chris Christie’s gullet a few months back (Source: here, here, here, here, here, and here) wasn’t because the meatloaf was that good. It’s all about being the Alpha. Based on Phil’s quotes over the years, he clearly has a hell of an ego. After listening to Phil spout the nonsense he did the last 3 years, I wouldn’t be shocked in Phil beat his dick while wearing his championship rings, no matter how much chafing occurred.

I just hope Lauri didn’t eat that raw meat because under no circumstances can you take fancy food recommendations from a guy that willfully rides the bus in New York City, no matter how much money he has in the bank.

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Also you can convince me that the Knicks drafted Frank Ntilikina because he ate whatever the Knicks placed in front of him at his pre-draft dinner. I’m convinced French people will put anything in their mouths if it’s at a 5 star restaurant or in the bedroom. I’ll still never forget Brenda and Donna eating brains at the restaurant in Paris during the one season I actually watched 90210. Life altering shit.

P.S. I can assure you that this blog was not simply copied and pasted from a blog I wrote about how Phil Jackson made Dennis Smith Jr. eat octopus in a pre-draft dinner and since this Markkanen story is gaining traction on the internet for some reason, I just rehashed that blog and changed the players’ names because this Markkanen story is pretty much the same exact story that went viral about Smith. The meats may change from octopus to steak or sushi depending on the player. But it’s the same basic story of Phil making people eat outside their comfort zone.

I can also assure you that I won’t copy and paste THIS blog when another story about Phil Jackson pushing raw lamb or chicken or some shit onto Donovan Mitchell inevitably comes out after the Knicks play the Jazz next Friday. A blogger’s got to have a code.