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Daughter Skipped Her Mother's Funeral To Break Into Her House And Steal Everything

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Fox 5 DC - Police in Massachusetts said a woman ditched her own mother’s funeral on Friday to break into her home and steal a safe filled with items worth $90,000.

Alyce Davenport, 30, and Diron Conyers, 27, both appeared in court Monday and faced seven counts related to the alleged robbery, the Telegram & Gazette reported.

Charges were filed against the two after Thomas Baillet, Davenport’s mother’s fiancé, told police someone broke into his house during the funeral of Audra Johnson – Davenport’s mother – and stole the safe from a locked bedroom.

Court documents reportedly stated Davenport was suspected of the theft, and was recently kicked out of the house over her drug habits.

Inside a motel room where Davenport and Conyers were staying, police discovered cocaine, in addition to “jewelry, keys, cellphones, a real estate contract relating to the address from which the safe had been stolen, and a checkbook reported stolen from a home” in Connecticut, the Gazette reported.

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Damn, Alyce Davenport almost got away with it. But she made the one little mistake we all forget- when it comes time to break into your mother’s house and steal all her money, jewelry, and her safe with $90,000 in it, you can’t do it when you’re the only person not at her funeral. Rats! She was so close to getting away with it, but then her family members looked around the cemetery, didn’t see Alyce, and that was all she wrote. So while the idea was great, stealing stuff from you dead ass mother because she’s not there to stop you, the execution was very short-sighted.  It’s akin to when you steal a car, you don’t want to start driving 150 MPH down the freeway, blowing through red lights and stop signs. That’s not how you get away with it. Gotta blend in with the crowd.

So let this be a lesson to everyone out there- when your mother dies, just go to her funeral. Play it cool. Yes I know, all you’ll be thinking about are all the diamonds and cash and goodies you can steal from her house. Gonna ransack that like a raccoon through a dumpster and then retire to Aruba. But that’ll come in due time. Hit the funeral, go to the after party, and then start planning your Oceans 11 type raid. Don’t prematurely blow your load, you can do it.