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Is Nate Our Very Own Incredible Hulk? (Bonus: Which Marvel Heroes Are Barstool Employees?)

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While sitting at my desk this afternoon, desperately scouring the internet for blog topics (because absolutely nothing has happened in 2018), I was distracted by some loud noises and yelling from the other side of the office. Whatever it was, it was so loud I heard the commotion over my music, which was BLASTING in my ears, so I naturally ripped the headphones out of my ears and asked, “What’s going on?!” I didn’t know if we were in apocalypse mode or what.

“It’s just Nate”, Trent said, “Spider Monkey again.”

Before I could respond, I heard the Spider Monkey yell “I VOLUNTEERED TO DO IT, DUMMY! YOU’RE SO STUPID COLEY!”, or something along those lines. Coley is just about the nicest man I’ve ever met, and I don’t recall a time where anyone ever had anything bad to say about the guy. I wouldn’t hold Nate’s words here against him though, and Coley won’t either, because Nate never said that. The Spider Monkey did. It was at this moment where I realized the content was right in front of my face, and NOT on the internet.

Eric Nathan is our very own Bruce Banner, and the Spider Monkey is his Incredible Hulk. The similarities are endless! Both are very smart, tiny men who have a Mister Hyde to their Doctor Jekyll. When that fierce alter ego takes over their regular self, they believe it’s preventing them from doing their job, and it causes them great pain, but everyone around them knows it’s for the best, and to approach with caution, because it COULD go very wrong in the blink of an eye. Exhibit A:

The angrier you make him, the worse it gets, as he only becomes more powerful. Exhibit B:

It’s…wait for it…incredible. Barstool Sports has our very own Bruce Banner and I didn’t even realize it until right now. When the Spider Monkey starts to die down, you have to approach with caution until you’ve confirmed Eric is back, but then you can be pals again.

While we’re at it, let’s look at which Marvel superheroes some of the other Barstool employees are…

Dave Portnoy – Iron Man

This one seemed obvious to me. You’ve got the rich mogul who still gets down in the trenches with his squad.

Pat McAfee – Captain America

By far the most American guy I know. Not sure where Steve Rogers stands on Stone Cold Szn, but Pat looks out for his boys in Heartland like Cap looks out for Bucky Barnes.

Big Cat – Thor

We’re talking about a powerhouse you can count on time and time again here. Someone who makes great sacrifices for his people, even if that includes losing an eye or pissing themselves.

KFC – Loki

Last week I probably wouldn’t have paired Kevin with the internally conflicted backstabbing brother to Thor, but, uhhh, ya know. Let’s hope they both find redemption somewhere.

Kmarko – Doctor Strange

Smartest guy in the office by far*, messes with time and space to create the perfect scenario for everyone involved. AKA schedules blogs.

PFT Commenter – Black Widow

This one’s obviously more about looks than personality. Many people confused PFT for Scarlett Johansson at a Marlins game last year.

Feitelberg – Hawkeye

Stand up guy, grinds out hit after hit after hit for the team. Can’t remember the last time he did a podcast that wasn’t called the best thing ever, rightfully so. Someone you can count on whenever you need anything.

Erika Nardini – Nick Fury

More of a behind the scenes role here, but the glue that helps hold everything together. A fearless leader.

Rone – Deadpool

Not in the MCU, but this one fits so we’re making an exception. This is a man who will make you cry laughing one second, and make you cry because he brutally murdered your entire family the next.

Uncle Chaps – War Machine/Iron Patriot

Remember when Chaps texted Dave (Iron Man) to make sure he was alright after the bombing in New York? He was looking out for his guy.

Smitty – Drax The Destroyer

Bit of a blockhead who doesn’t entirely get jokes, but a strong part of the team that we all love.

Riggs – Vision

Incredibly knowledgable, and the name fits.

Carrabis – Rocket Racoon

Looking for a small hothead who packs a punch?! Look no further!

Caleb – Quicksilver

If you’ve ever seen Caleb’s man on the street videos, you know how quick on his feet he is.

Ria – Scarlett Witch

One of the chicks in the office that stands toe to toe with the guys in the office.

Fran – Gamora

A later addition than Ria, and someone who sometimes ventures off to god knows where in space without mentioning it to anyone.

Frankie Borrelli – Happy Hogan

Iron Man’s right hand guy. Dumps a bunch of work on him leading to banker hours.

Zah – Ant Man

lol sorry Zah

YP – The Grandmaster

This guy sometimes makes friends fight for the enjoyment of the barbaric fans.

Coley – Groot

So tall. So immobile.

Me – Spider-Man

Kind of a bold move to name myself Spider-Man, but he’s in high school, all of his friends are 30, and he’s best known for shooting webs, soooooo…

Trent – Namor

If you’ve never heard of Namor, he’s basically Marvel’s Aquaman. Trent is Namor because he’s, according to Kmarko, a “stinky fish boy”.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten some people, but you pretty much get the picture.

*I wrote that with the hope that Francis and Riggs would read it, their heads would explode.

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