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Fly Your Drone While Drunk Now, Because It Will Soon Be Illegal

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Reuters - U.S. drone sales in 2017 topped $1 billion for the first time ever, but don’t raise a glass too quickly if you are in New Jersey, where lawmakers are poised to outlaw drunken droning next week.

“Like any technology, drones have the ability to be used for good, but they also provide new opportunities for bad actors,” said Assemblywoman Annette Quijano of Elizabeth, New Jersey. She backed the bill, which would impose a punishment of up to six months prison and a $1,000 fine for drunk droning.

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At first I was like “Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was America!” If a redneck wants to fly his drone after finishing off a bottle of Jack, by all means. But then I thought more about it and two things immediately jumped into my head:

1)

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and

2)

Remember when our very own Handsome Hank nearly decapitated his finger with a drone? Guy was as sober as the golden sun and blinked while trying to land the thing, and it nearly sawed his finger straight off his hand. While on the bright side having 4 fingers possibly would have rejuvenated his pitching career (think about the movement he could get on a sinker with only 4 fingers and a nub), it doesn’t sound optimal to lose body parts from a drone.

So while this most certainly is America, the land of the free and home of the brave, I can understand putting a little bit of a law out there to persuade people not to fly these things drunk. Not because I care if you chop off your finger, but I don’t want to be taking a walk along the Hoboken pier, taking in the scenic NYC skyline and reflecting on what it all means to live on this planet, and have a drone land on my head and slice open my skull. I don’t want to be on a Sunday afternoon picnic, nibbling cheese and sipping wine, and have a drone come out of nowhere and slice my carotid artery. People are too dumb to fly these things sober, so I’m ok with them not flying them 3 sheets to the wind.