Do You Think Marilyn Manson Would Date Me?

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This is a question I’ve asked myself for years: Would Marilyn Manson want to date me? I’ve been doing the old “follow-unfollow” on twitter to get his attention (update: unsuccessful), and I think if he ever took the time to notice, he’d realize we’d be a match made in heaven (or hell, Marilyn would prefer that). I mean, he’s definitely a different cat, but I think we’re actually meant to be.

Marilyn likes to have Alice Cooper grab his throat.

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I like to have Alice Cooper grab my throat.

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Marilyn likes makeup.

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I like makeup.

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Marilyn plays it up for the camera.

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I play it up for the camera.

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So it’s settled, I’m the missing piece to Marilyn Manson’s “newly single” puzzle. Minus the whole rib removal to allegedly perform fellatio on himself, smoking human bones, and being blamed for Columbine Massacre, we’re basically the same person. So Marilyn, if you’re reading this- Sup? I know there’s an age gap and that time you wore fake boobs, but I’m sure it’s something we can work though. Lmk if you want someone to hear your prayers, someone’s who’s there. Your own personal Jesus.