Derek Jeter's Plan For Major Profit Increases Includes A Big Spike In Ticket Sales LOL

Miami Marlins Press Conference

It hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing since Derek Jeter became the face of the Marlins new ownership group, but it’s okay! Jeets has got a plan that’s gonna turn this thing around! How’s he gonna make the Marlins more profitable? Well, first he’s gonna fire a bunch of front office people who were beloved by the fan base, and then he’s gonna trade away every recognizable name on the 40-man roster. And then BOOM! Ticket sales through the fucking ROOF!

Marlins CEO Derek Jeter, who has slashed about $36 million in player payroll in recent weeks, in August circulated a document to potential investors that projects the Marlins will make an enormous profit in 2018 and sizable profits the following three years. Project Wolverine, Jeter’s confidential document given to potential investors and shared with The Miami Herald by two of those approached investors, includes ambitious revenue goals for tickets, sponsorship and television rights.

The Marlins generated about $30 million in ticket revenue last season, but Wolverine projects increases to $37.5 million in 2018 and $40.6 million and $45.8 million the following two seasons. According to a source, even though the National League announced the Marlins’ attendance at 1.6 million last season, only 820,000 were paid tickets.

I love that Jeter’s plan to make the Marlins more profitable is called Project Wolverine. Sounds like an evil plot that’s intended to be carried out by the villain of a Bond film. But that’s neither here nor there. The main takeaway is that it’s fucking delusional. How in God’s name do you expect to literally rid your entire roster of every player that’s worth coming out to see and then expect to see a BUMP in your ticket sales? I don’t get it.

With BAMTech being sold to Disney, the Marlins figure to receive a payment that’s in the neighborhood of $50 million, plus the fact that they’ve already cut their payroll by $36 million, so Jeter’s not lying when he says that they’ll make a profit next year. They’ll make a profit just based on those two factors alone. But on what fucking planet are Marlins ticket sales going to skyrocket, knowing that they were already 28th out of 30 major league teams in average attendance last year? That, and Marlins fans currently want to burn the stadium to the ground because of the decisions that have been made since the new owners came to town.

I’ve never been in charge of running a franchise before, but I think everybody knows that the FIRST thing that you do is piss off your entire fan base by getting rid of all the fan favorites on the roster, and then sit back and watch the ticket sales explode. Cha-ching! Project Wolverine, man. Trust the process.