Motel 6 In Trouble For Sharing "Latin-Sounding Names" With Immigration Enforcement

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CNN- Washington state’s attorney general is suing Motel 6, saying workers handed over guest lists to federal immigration agents in violation of state privacy laws.

The suit alleges that agents from Immigration and Customs Enforcement would visit Motel 6 locations in Washington and request a guest list from a receptionist without a warrant then try to find undocumented immigrants.

“Motel 6 staff observed ICE identify guests of interest to ICE, including by circling guests with Latino-sounding names,” the lawsuit says. At least six guests were arrested or detained, Attorney General Bob Ferguson told reporters.

Ferguson said the privacy rights of more than 9,150 people who stayed at the national discount motel chain locations in Washington were violated.

This is totally unacceptable. Whenever I check in to my local Motel 6 for a hasty boot-knocking with a lady of the night, I use a latin name to cover my tracks. I’ve stayed in Motel 6’s as Hector “Big Kitchen” Tostada, Raul “G Spot” Gutierrez, and even Pedro “El Pussy Grande” Rodriguez. Soliciting prostitutes is both illegal and bad for the brand, which is why I throw the authorities off the scent with these cartoonish south-of-the-border monikers.

How do I choose which character to embody that evening? It all depends on how I want to get down. Each character has a different sexual energy. Pedro, for instance, prefers larger women; Hector insists on raiding the minibar of all snacks before taking his clothes off; and Raul will never climax before his partner, even though he’s paying her.

These identities are part and parcel of my sex life. I’ve invested hundreds of dollars in Rosetta Stone packages to authenticate my performances. There is nothing hotter than conversing with a Cuban hooker in her native language during sex. Sure, I struggle to know when to use “tù” vs. “usted” but for the most part, we understand each other. Here are some sound bites you might hear if you’re a nosy fucking fed, bugging my room to prove I’m here illegally:

¿Quieres algunas almendras antes de follar?

Translation: would you like some almonds before we fuck?

¿Ya te has corrido? Espero pero comienza a doler.

Translation: have you cum yet? I wait but it is starting to hurt.

¡Mira todo el espacio de esta cosa!

Translation: Look at all the floor space in this thing!

Have some fun and try to match the saying with the character. It’s quite a game!

The point is, fuck Motel 6 for snitching. The entire point of the Motel 6 chain is to provide a safe place for people to bang discretely. Handing over a list of latin guests will not only land a great deal of hard-working people in trouble, it will also throw a massive wrench in my sex life. Here’s hoping la justicia ha sido servida.