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It's That Time Of The Year Again For Everybody To Tell You How Much They Hate The NHL All Star Game Jerseys

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If there’s one thing that Hockey Twitter loves more than trying to ban fighting in the game and getting pissed off every time Patrick Kane gets featured in anything, it’s immediately trashing any new jersey the moment said jerseys are unveiled. I don’t think there’s been a single jersey unveiled over the last 5 or so years that wasn’t met with about 100 different replies with nothing but trash emojis and vomit GIFs. Especially when it comes to the NHL All Star Game sweaters.

There’s a pretty apparent structure to how these things play out over time. I’ll list it out in order for ya.

  • Step 1: ASG jerseys are unveiled
  • Step 2: Everybody rushes to have the funniest “these are trash” reaction
  • Step 3: People finally see the jerseys on actual hockey players, and not just shown in a stock image.
  • Step 4: Everybody realizes that, hey, maybe these jerseys aren’t so bad after all.
  • Step 5: The All Star Game happens and everybody then realizes that this is just some silly exhibition 3v3 tournament and it’s supposed to be fun and the jerseys reflect that.
  • Step 6: Nobody dies due to the uniform selection and it appears the original reaction was all drastically unnecessary.

Now I’m willing to admit that maybe the NHL should stop trying to force that highlighter yellow on everybody. I don’t know who on the NHL’s design team has such a hard dick for that color but they seem to throw it into shit every chance they get. But when the games are being played and you’re watching Auston Matthews playing 3v3 hockey on a line with Steven Stamkos and Erik Karlsson, you won’t even notice it. But yes, clearly the Western Conference gets the early advantage in this year’s ASG.

Central & Pacific Divisions

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Obviously I’m going to have a bias when it comes to these jerseys since they’re Orange & Black. The fact that the Metro doesn’t get to wear one of these beauties makes me want to put somebody’s head through a wall. The good news, however, is that it’ll probably give us a great idea of what future Philadelphia Flyer Johnny Gaudreau will look like in these colors. These jerseys also remind me of an updated version of these sweaters from the ’90s.

1993 44th NHL All-Star Game: Campbell Conference v Wales Conference

Anything that brings us back to the time when The Russian Rocket was saucin’ around out there gets an A+ from me. But I’m assuming that the majority of the complains about this year’s batch of All Star Game jerseys aren’t against the Western Conference uniforms. If they just stuck to these 2 uniforms this year for East vs West, I think everybody would be happy. It when we get to the Eastern Conference jerseys that things get a bit dicey.

Atlantic & Metro Divisions

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Do I love these jerseys? No, especially not the Metro jerseys since it looks like they just ran out of colors to use and were stuck with grey as the primary. But like I said before, these jerseys almost ALWAYS look a million times better once they’re actually on the players and once they’re on the ice. They also always look better when they have a full uniform to go with. I’m assuming they’ll probably throw some white mitts with the Atlantic uniform. I also think white helmets would go a lot better with them than black. The Metro uniform will still be pretty boring no matter how you dress it up but once you have the pants and the socks and the gloves to go along with it, you’ll barely notice the highlighter yellow. And again, like I said, once you’re watching the games and realize that they mean absolutely nothing, you figure out that the jerseys mean absolutely nothing as well.

As somebody who has a closet full of them, I’m all for being passionate about hockey jerseys. Just not ASG jerseys. We see them once a year and then they’re gone. Now excuse me while I go order a Central jersey with Provorov on the back.

@BarstoolJordie