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Birkenstock Goes At Amazon For Taking Advantage Of Customers Who Can't Spell "Birkenstock"

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HuffPo- A German court has ordered Amazon not to lure internet shoppers to its online marketplace when they mistakenly search for “Brikenstock”, “Birkenstok”, “Bierkenstock” and other variations in Google.

The ruling is a victory for the German sandal maker, whose relationship with Amazon has grown increasingly antagonistic. It convinced a district court in Duesseldorf that Amazon booked variations of “Birkenstock” as keywords through Google AdWords.

Any of those variations would produce search results for Birkenstock shoes sold on Amazon.com, the court said in a ruling dated Dec. 20. Birkenstock sought the injunction because it feared unsuspecting shoppers might buy low-quality counterfeits through Amazon that would erode its reputation.

A year ago, Birkenstock ended its relationship with Amazon in the United States.

Ah, the old Birkenstock ruse. The same children who fell for the “hey kid, want some candy? Hop in my windowless astrovan” trickery grew up to fall for the “hey guy, want some brikkandstalks? Come to Amazon.” We all know birkenstocks were Jesus’ signature sandal. He was Jewish, so perhaps the Germans are overcompensating for all that misbehavior they committed in the 20th century. Gotta protect the integrity of the ‘stocks.

But man, I’ll tell ya–taking on Amazon? What is it with Germans picking fights with the largest opponents in the world? People buy their entire lives on Amazon. Taking your sandal inventory off Amazon is like some hipster tomato farmer saying, “Fuck the man, we’re pulling our heirlooms out of Whole Foods. Farmers markets only!” Two weeks later, with sales plummeting, that same dick will come crawling back to Whole Foods with his straw hat in his hand, begging them to take him back. I sense a similar fate for Birkenstock. Except begging for forgiveness from this guy:

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seems like a way shittier proposition than begging for forgiveness from this guy:

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That’s Woodrow Wilson and if you have no idea what I’m talking about, you’re not a student of US History.