We Really Need To Start Adding More Fire To Hockey Games


I know the majority of the hockey world has Winter Classic fatigue. There are just too many outdoor games now and the majority of them seem to feature the Chicago Blackhawks. I’m not in the camp of people who absolutely despise outdoor games. Those people will find a way to complain about just about anything and they’ll always say that everything sucks. But I was also at a point where I didn’t think I’d mind taking a year or two off from the Winter Classic. I say that I “was” at that point because during yesterday’s Rangers vs Sabres game at Citi Field, something happened that drew me right back in to the allure of the Winter Classic. It was something so primal that appeals to your very basic human instincts.


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I don’t want to get to graphic here but this celebration gave me quite the erection. For those of you who didn’t go to med school, erection is a scientific term for a boner. Fire used to give the cavemen boners back when dinosaurs were roaming the Earth. Thousands of years later or however long it’s been since those neanderthal bastards, and we still get boners from fire today. Especially when it’s a bunch of flamethrowers shooting that shit into the sky after the game winning goal in overtime of an outdoor game. Fire and ice. They belong together.

And I know that you hosers up in Calgary have had torches and flamethrowers in the Saddledome for years now. I’m not saying there’s never been fire at hockey games before. I’m just saying we need to make it a more regular occurrence. At least until somebody ends up getting seriously injured and lawyers have to get involved.