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I Hope To Keep At Least 1 Of My 5 New Years Resolutions

I’m a big New Years guy. Not so much the holiday, but the idea of the whole thing. Having a day on the calendar where you can start over anew and get a fresh start on life. There’s nothing better than the annual tradition of eating a disgusting amount of pizza and guzzling gallons of beer like an absolute maniac for a month straight before the new year begins, therefor erasing all of your gluttonous caloric consumption. That’s the beauty of the ball dropping at midnight- so does every regrettable thing you did during the year. The drunk texts, gone. The weekends you ate 5,000 calories and took 35 steps total, non-existent. And then you can make a few resolutions to better yourself, and voila, you’re a great new person!

Or at least that’s how it plays out in your head.

You see, as much as I love the concept of New Years resolutions, I’m a realist. I am terrible at keeping them. You know what feeling when you go over something so many times in your head, you finally convince yourself of it? Buddy, I’ve done that about going to the gym no fewer than 10,000 times this last year. One of those really clear shower thoughts where I convince myself I will do it. “It won’t be too bad. I’ll just wake up 30 minutes earlier. It’s a 4 step walk to the gym that I already pay for via the amenity fee at my apartment building. I’m gross and disgusting and need to go, it’ll be fine”. And then the alarm goes off in the morning, I promptly smash the snooze button, and nothing ever changes.

Well my friends, this has to be the year it all goes down differently, right? This is my final year in my 20’s. In October (on the 10th in case you are a gift giver) I will hit the big 3-0. Again, it’s one of those days where you look at yourself in the mirror and wonder “what is it all about? What are we all here for? Will I ever fall in love?”

I know this probably resonates with a lot of people my age. Just grinding for the paycheck, hoping to get rich, but not very motivated to do anything out of your comfort zone. It’s hard for me to do anything besides my normal, bare minimum routine. Wake up, blog, go to work, blog, come home, blog. So I’ve made resolutions to try to get me to live a little better this year. Easy things that will greatly improve my quality of life. If I can achieve even 1 of the 5, things are looking good. 2 and I’ve struck gold. 3? Let’s not push it. My resolutions are:

1) Dress better. I wear very basic clothes. A couple pairs of pants, basic hoodies/sweaters/flannels, and shoes that get sent to Kevin that he doesn’t want. I’ve never really cared much about clothes, like I have nice clothes to wear to go out in, but day to day, I’m a blogger so I’ve never really cared. This year I want to change that up a bit. Put a little style and pizzaz into my fashion game. And get a few more pairs of pants. I think that would be a good start.

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2) Fuckkkkkk the gym. The gym stinks. But at this point it’s necessary and I’m going to have to bite the bullet and go. As Sonny Koufax once said “I have a chocolate shake and my ass jiggles for like a week”. I can’t keep eating whatever I want and get away with it anymore. Doing some cardio would behoove me. Keep my joints honest. And maybe I’ll work in some weights. Curls for the girls. Chicks will be falling all over me, or so goes this fantasy that I’m playing out in my head.

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3) Do a cartwheel.

Very important to be a part of everyone’s yearly resolutions. But remember not to make a big deal about it.

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4) Meet RG3. In 2016 I met Bryce Harper. It was amazing. In 2017 I want to meet my other best friend, RG3. We’re off to a good start on this one:

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42 minutes into the year and I was already making progress. I think this one is very doable.

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5) Don’t punt the chip lead during the main event of the World Series of Poker. You know what’s cooler than having the chip lead of the biggest poker tournament of the year? Not blowing the chip lead at the biggest poker tournament of the year! I’m hoping to return to Vegas and the WSOP this Summer, and hoping to have a better result than amassing a giant amount of chips and then giving them all away. Oops! I don’t count this one as a success if I don’t play. Man, I hope I play again. It’d be crazy if an advertiser didn’t want to sponsor this after what we did for Fantasy Labs (your one stop shop for all things daily fantasy sports) last year.

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So there you have it. 5 new years resolutions. A blank slate ahead of me to accomplish my goals. Will I buy fancier clothes? Will I step foot in a gym? Can I do a cartwheel? I haven’t a clue, but I have 363 days to find out.