#14) Mariah Carey Closes Out 2016 With An All-Time Trainwreck New Years Eve Performance

The all-time perfect way to finish the all-time terrible year. Mariah finally committed the career suicide that she started at the Rockefeller Center tree lighting a few years ago. I went up against Mariah’s minions AKA The Mariah Mafia on Twitter last Thanksgiving for saying she was washed up and KFC battled them tonight. But even the blindest #GoMariahGo fan on Earth has to wave the white flag after that performance. Cringe level on a hundred thousand kabillion. I’m sure this could all be some twisted attempt to go viral for your new, likely very shitty E! reality show that will be canceled before the “2017 is worse than 2016″ jokes start. But nobody can bounce back from that nightmare. Bad visuals. Bad audibles. Bad everything. Then again maybe we should have seen this coming.

So RIP Mariah. At your best I never saw a better diva in the game. Crushed high notes no other pop star could touch and crushed Derek Jeter’s dick back when he was still a wide-eyed pup. You will still own every December for the rest of our lives thanks to what may be the best song ever made. But the fact remains that we lost a real one tonight, folks.

At least Coolio’s hair was let off the hook for saddest New Years Eve performance of 2016. Woof!


Shit I just got really sad. Time to turn that frown upside down.

Happy 2017 everyone!