I’m not gonna pretend I’ve never fallen victim to the sandy ball making me look like a fool, I have. You run over to pick up a loose ball and, lucky you, it’s rolled up on a couple gals working on their tan. The presence of your manly, athletic frame blocks their so and they turn to see what’s going on. “NOW,” you think, “unleash this cannon of an arm and show your physical worth.” You cock your arm back and let it fly, but finely divided rocks and mineral particles ruined your grip on the ball, it slipped and went four yards, you look like a fool. The girls laugh and return to their melanoma.
It’s a tale as old as time itself, almost a right of passage for every wannabe hotshot who’s ever been to the beach. It’s happened to me and it’s happened to you and it will happen to our sons. But this, receiver gloves at the beach, is not the answer. You’ve just gotta be aware of the risk and run that ball back to the group like Smalls.
Receiver gloves are allowed in three places in the whole world: Dick’s sporting goods, your high school football locker, and a football field. They’re like your penis, in a sense, if you take them out in public then you’re a fucking psychopath who deserves to go to jail. You absolutely cannot be wearing them at the beach and that goes ten fold when you still can’t even get a good enough grip to throw a spiral to your girlfriend, who’s standing ten yards away, and who can’t catch. It’s simply not allowed in society.