Barstool Top 50 Countdown
Original Post Date: 5/21/2017
Here’s the thing about Sea Lions…there’s a reason they called them “lions.” Because they will eat your ass with a QUICKNESS. Drag right down to your death in some shallo murky water. They might look like puppy dogs. They might look like the flying dog from Neverending Story. But it turns out they are way more Sea Monster than they are Golden Retriever. Turns out if you dangle a small child in their face long enough it will eventually hunt it and try to murder it and eat it.
It’s Harambe 2.0 except this time the family really is to blame for hanging their daughter in the animals face like it was chum for an afternoon snack. And there was no killing of the animal because that little girl’s family member jumped in with ZERO hesitation like a crazy person. He was just like “here, hold my Starbucks.” and went on in. If that was Shea I think I’d be like “welp you belong to the murky waters of the Sea Dragon, now. Really shitty turn of events for us but there’s nothing I can do about it now.”
PS – shout out to the guy who didn’t miss a single fucking frame with the camera work. That guy had no intention of saving that girl and was absolutely THERE for the internet glory. The world needs heroes but more importantly the world needs cameraman.