Please Return Charlie Villanueva's Toilet At Once

What a truly sick world we live in today. A man can’t even leave his home for a few hours without getting his porcelain throne robbed from under the cover of nightfall. What kind of low down, dirty, rotten scoundrel steals Charlie Villanueva’s toilet? How do you even steal a toilet? For what personal gain does one steal a toilet? Is this an inside job? Why is the Dallas PD dilly-dallying on this case?! The man has been waiting north of two (2) hours for Pete’s sake! He’s toiletless, scared and alone. He just wants some answers! He wants justice! Somebody do something, anything, to bring Charlie Villanueva’s toilet back in tact so he can sleep easy knowing some roustabout of society isn’t out gallivanting, doing Lord knows what, with his beloved toilet.

PS – Kevin Garnett absolutely stole Charlie Villanueva’s toilet. Not a doubt in my mind. Most open and shut case ever of all time. You’re welcome for doing you job for you, Dallas PD.