Everybody On Instagram Is Squirting All Over The Place And I'm Sick Of It

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I dont know what’s happening on Instagram. It’s turned into a big, squirting mess. Everyone is squirting here. Squirting there. Just flat out squirting. Now, I dont want rumors to start that I’m not a big squirting fan. I’m just aware that squirt is, most likely, piss. Not good!

I imagine big-time squirt sessions to be kinda like eating a really messy caramel apple.

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Sure. You love to have one once a year at the fair but other than that, you’d rather keep the doctor away via conventional methods. Nothing wrong with a fruit salad, folks. You dont need that caramel all over your beard, in your sheets, showing up in places that you never even dreamed about.

So to the squirters of Instagram, I say thanks but no thanks. While I appreciate the offer to watch your new collection, I will have to respectfully decline.

Good day, m’ladies.

When your girl walks in and sees my nipples dressed like reindeer