I genuinely feel bad for this guy. This guy grew up never even realizing the Patriots were an actual franchise. Just figured they were some filler on the schedule like when Alabama played Mercer last month. Then in January of 2002 his whole world got flipped on its head and nothing has been the same ever since. This is the guy who every year for the past five years has told his friends that the Patriots couldn’t possibly match up with Ben, Bell and Brown. And now that Bryant was coming back? Forget about it! This isn’t a guy who has hot takes, that’s just what he truly believed. This time would be different.
*Extreme Ron Howard narrator voice from Arrested Development* This time was not different.
It might have been different had Antonio Brown not gone down with an injury early in the game, but that’s not what happened in the real world. The Steelers lost in what I can imagine to be an infuriating fashion and this guy now has to repaint his entire den before next Sunday.
I’d love to know this family’s chips and bowl budget because this guy absolutely smashes no less than four bowls and ruins no less than two bags of industrial sized Tostitos every single Sunday, win lose or draw. You know it happens every Sunday because absolutely no one in that room even considered flinching while his wrath ensued. There were objects flying all over the place with incredible frequency during a small period of time and everyone who wasn’t this man was cool as the other side of a pillow. Dip dripping from the ceiling like stalactites in a cave featuring the angriest human on the planet.
Someone needs to get a camera on him at his office tomorrow because I need to hear his conspiracy theories on how the NFL is cheating for the Patriots while simultaneously claiming that the Steelers are going to win the AFC Championship in Foxboro next month. I don’t want to hear his rants tomorrow, I need to hear his rants tomorrow.
For the sake of his family, let’s hope next time will be different.