Netflix Once Emailed A User To Make Sure They Were OK After They Watched The Office For A Week Straight. Might've Been Me?

People freaking about this “Netflix knows what you’re watching! It’s Big Brother!” shit are so goddam dumb. You thought they didn’t? You thought the television network didn’t have data on who was watching what? Get out of town, you losers.

And look, it’s not only used for snarky tweets about psychos who watch “A Christmas Prince,” it’s also used for good. They’re making sure people aren’t killing themselves, tho I think that’s an unnecessary move for someone who has been bingeing The Office as they’re obviously laughing much too hard to want to die. Sure, you might want to kill yourself when you finish the binge but guess what? It’s one of the most rewatchable shows in history so just run that bitch back.

The only problem I have with Netflix checking in on their customers is that they’ve never checked in on me. Be my mom, Netflix. When you see that mouse hovering about “Play Next Episode” at 4 in the morning to finish that last episode of Manhunt: Unabomber give me a call and say, “Turn off that idiot box and get some sleep!” I’ll give you my number, you have my permission. When I’m hammering through entire an entire series of a television show in a weekend, tell me to go for a walk and get some fresh air. I need a guardian and if no one else if gonna do it then it might as well be Netflix.