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Not To Pile On Philadelphia, But Crab Fries Are Completely Fake News

All week I was pumped about these fries. When I said that I was going down to the Army/Navy game, without fail, people told me to try the crab fries.

“They’re delicious, Chaps. Make sure you get extra cheese. You’ll never want another type of fries after you have these. That’s a promise.”

Buddy,,, I want another type of fries. My main issue with crab fries, you see, is that they have no crab on them whatsoever. There’s no crab on crab fries. It’s crab seasoning fries. It’s like a bootleg version of Old Bay seasoning. Philly managed to make old bay seasoning worse and throw some plain ass cheese as the dipping sauce and they think it’s the key to the city.

Having crab fries without crab is like saying, “Pal, come to Memphis. They have some BBQ Ribs fries that will knock your dick to the moon.”

“Slowly smoked ribs, pulled off the bone and tossed on some wedges? Count me in.”

“Oh no, my friend. We just take a literal garbage truck of bbq sauce and dump it in a field of potatoes. The locals eat the spuds raw. They fucking love it.”

Who wouldnt?