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Research Proves People Like to Drink at Office Christmas Parties. In Related News, Office Christmas Parties Will Soon Be Extinct

SourceEmployees are gearing up for their annual holiday parties filled with music, drinks and dancing.

This year less than half of US firms will offer an open bar – down 13 percent from last year – and most are doing away with the mistletoe, according to a new poll.

It is part of a general drive towards offices cutting back on alcohol to prevent binge drinking and messy behavior. …

Researchers from Texas A&M Health Science Center College of Medicine study discovered specific neurons in the brain that are meant to tell us to stop drinking.

But those dopamine D2 neurons become deactivated when too much alcohol is consumed.

The deactivation means we drink more, igniting a perpetuating cycle.

This can lead to lewd and regretful behavior, especially around coworkers.

So this year, 51 percent of companies are taking strides to not enable their employees’ drinking habits by refusing to serve alcohol at their parties, according to a survey by consulting firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas. …

This year that plunged to 49 percent of companies planning to serve alcohol, suggesting work-place sexual scandals may have also played a role in the decision.

Welp, it was fun while it lasted. The proud tradition of the Office Christmas Party is now on the Endangered Species list and its population will not becoming back. I give it 10 years, minimum, before the noble institution of holiday workplace debauchery will be a Mad Men-like relic of the past. Something the next generation will never believe existed, like the two martini lunch, smoke breaks or receptionists sitting on the Xerox and pressing “copy.”

It’s a shame. Truly it is. The office party was once something grand. Almost magical. Especially the open bar. The way you looked forward to it all season was the adult version of the feeling you got waiting for that gaming system when you were a kid. It was your chance to drink the profits the company had earned from your thankless toil all year. It was like making money. And the more you drank, the bigger your bonus.

Not to mention the hookups. It was like mating season. You’d spend all year doing the ritual dance. Giving off the pheromones. Knowing that that combination of festive atmosphere, gay apparel, seasonal cheer and sweet, sweet overserved alcohol would be your cue to start stuffing some stockings, if you know know what I mean.

But it just can’t survive. Just another victim of the Fun Police. But also the very legitimate #MeToo movement. The mistletoe ban is the inevitable fallout of having workplace creeps like Harvey Weinstein and Matt Lauer running wild for decades. There’s no way that could survive. That pendulum had to swing, even if it destroys some of our cultures most sacred traditions.

So raise your glass, everyone. By yourself. At home. Because we’re facing a future of Angela Nutcracker-themed parties and the death of Karen and Pam Margarita and Karaoke parties. In a couple of years your office party will consist of egg nog and nutritious, gluten-free, non-GMO, nut-free, organic and locally sourced snack treats only. Thanks a lot, Texas A&M. Appreciate the help, Challenger, Gray & Christmas. Way to ruin a good thing.

 
@jerrythornton1