With people upset about my take that Tyrion and Sansa had sex, I thought it would be a good time to remember this blog from November 2017. I enjoy thinking about the backstory. Does that make me deeper than most? Maybe. But not deeper than Jim because he went IN on Pam. (Dicked Down)
After years of wondering how one of America’s favorite couples first date went, I’m glad to be the one who finally gets to share their story. Shall we begin? I’ll give you a moment to adjust the volume on your computer or headphones. We need a soundtrack, folks. Here we go:
Jim was nervous. Pam decided that she wanted to drive herself to his house. Was it planned? Did she want to drive knowing that she would have a few too many glasses of wine and need to stay over? Logically, that’s what happened. Jim wouldn’t be able to drive her home because then her car would still be at his apartment. When her intentions became more clear, Jim looked at the camera and smirked. It was finally going to happen.
A knock on the door. Jim fixed his shirt one last time. With a quick glance in the mirror, he fixed his hair using his fingers as a comb. Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath.
Jim opened the door and saw Pam standing there. He couldn’t believe his eyes. In her hands, she was holding the teapot that he had bought for her a few years ago during Secret Santa.
“I know you said we were having wine, but I thought we could start with some tea, Halpert.”
Jim smiled so wide that his face began to hurt. If this is what the future held, he wished it would hold forever.
“Get in here, Beasley,” he said with a toothy, whimsical grin.
Jim had cooked dinner. It was mostly ready. Because Jim was a single guy, he couldn’t cook much. Karen had taught him a few dishes. She was Italian, so he learned how to make a wonderful vodka sauce. He made that dish for Pam and was just waiting on the garlic bread to brown in the oven. 425 degrees for 11 minutes should be perfect.
Conversation wasn’t difficult. They talked about co-workers, what those co-workers’ reactions would be, and of course… Michael. Laughter filled the air like a plume of smoke after the selection of a new Pope. In addition to the laughter, actual smoke filled the air. The bread was burning. Both Jim and Pam rushed into the kitchen. Jim ripped open the oven and tossed the bread onto the stove. When he turned around, Pam was right behind him. Their eyes locked.
Deep down inside, they both thought about how the burnt bread was analogous to their relationship. It looked to be toast at first glance. With a little scraping off the top and a little care, the bread could be perfect. In fact, it was.
“I’m not hungry, Jim,” she said while locking eyes with him. Just at that moment, almost as designed by fate, the song changed.
As the chorus rang out, Jim reached down and slid his index finger just beyond the ridge in her chin. He brought her mouth closer to his. Passion fills the room and Jim’s pants.
She feels his boner on her leg. Buddy,,, it was big.
They wrestled each others shirt and pants off. Jim looked down and saw Pam in her underwear for the first time. Crotchless. Incredible. They made love until the wee hours of the morning. Sadly, Jim came early the first time, but he was fine the next 3. Good even. Props. They’ll have plenty of chances to get it right. They won’t mind the practice either. Lest we forget, practice makes perfect…even in the bedroom.