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Meghan Markle And Prince Harry Are Officially Engaged!!!

For those of you who don’t/didn’t watch Suits (I’m ashamed to admit I’ve fallen off), Meghan Markle is the human embodiment of perfection. She’s everything you could ever want in a woman and nothing you deserve. She’s a goddess that for some reason breathes the same air as us. I believe in love at first sight solely because Meghan Markle exists.

All of that might make you think that I am upset over this engagement. Correction: I am not. I can’t even do the jokey, “awwww shucks, there goes my chance,” routine that we tend to do when celebrities we have a crush on get engaged. You know why? Because Meghan Markle looks like a goddamn Disney princess and anything less than a real, live prince never would’ve been good enough for her. She got exactly what she deserved here, and I’m happy for her. I’m on some Ma$e “wanna see you happy even if it’s not with me” shit when it comes to Markle, that’s how much I love her.

Good for these crazy kids and long live the queen!

PS – I fuck with the Royal Family, hard, and I don’t care who knows it.

PPS – If you don’t have a Town Crier announcing your engagement then what’s the point of the whole thing? I don’t give a shit about your engagement photos on Facebook, have some old dude unfurl a scroll and scream his lungs out, then I’m in on your love.

PPPS – I heard the Royal Family was concerned about Harry marrying Markle because “she’d been married before” which, I believe, is British for “we don’t want a half black woman messing with our perfect bloodline that’s riddled with incest” so I’m glad they came around.