Angry Little Jockey Punches The Shit Out Of His Horse, Banned For 2 Weeks

Dylan Caboche, you’re a dick mate! You can’t just go around punching horses. Sure, “She’s Rendeldasgirl” was acting a bit fussy. But aren’t you equipped to handle that sort of thing? Isn’t this the reason you carry carrots and apples in your pocket? Or are those supplies there to feed you when your weight dips below 13 pounds, you anorexic, bedazzled garden gnome.

I’d alert the authorities to check in with Dylan’s family, as he’s almost certainly beating his wife and kids. But luckily, he probably doesn’t have kids given that his sperm is weaker than his right hook. Probably doesn’t have a wife either, since his penis doesn’t protrude. You ever see that? An inverted penis? Where the dude needs to pull his stomach back just to avoid pissing all over the tunnel between his penis and the outside world. If you haven’t seen it, head to any YMCA locker room around noon on a week day. Lots of old man penii hiding tucked away in their gut as they saunter around the locker room, completely naked, with no sense of urgency whatsoever. Hit the fucking shower already!

Pretty stoic response from the horse. She took that uppercut like a boss. Didn’t canter off into the sunset, stood her ground, refocused, and finished 3rd to last. Or as we optimistic, non-horse-punching people would say, 11th place! Anyway, good to hear the racing authorities put a 2-week kabosh on Caboche. Dude needs to spend some serious time reflecting, chewing thoughtfully on rice cakes and dried seaweed chips, puking that up, and remembering why he got into the horse game in the first place.