Eagles VS Patriots Tonight: Preseason Gambling Preview

football

If betting on preseason football makes me a degenerate then you Midas Whale call me the more attractive Charlie Hustle or less Jewish Sam Rothstein. Let’s make some money.

Eagles -3.5

What? Birds are giving 3.5? Gay Uggs has been lighting us up all week in practice and if he stays in for 3 drives that’s 21 points right there. Doesn’t even matter that Ryan Mallet will still come in and shred Billy Davis’ defense a new taint.

PICK: PATRIOTS +3.5

O/U 41

Not even close. With the Eagles’ D and Belicheik letting his buddy Chip score a couple gimmies at the end to make him feel good about his offense, expect a solid 34-24 game.

PICK: OVER

Season Prop Bets:

Eagles Wins: 7.5

Ehhhhhhhh fuck. Heart screams over but mind demands under. Would probably be feeling the same way if it was 5.5.

PICK: OVER. All heart.

MVP:

Peyton is listed as 5-1? Come on now. Let’s be mature about the situation. Michael Vick is a steal at 33/1 and by steal I mean the house will steal your money and leave you in a ditch to die. i do however LOVE Calvin Johnson at 25:1, but he is not coming off a big comeback story a la AP. Or a QB. Or white. Would have to rack in 3000 yards to take it down after what he did last year.

SAFE PICK: Aaron Rodgers at 13/2.

PS – Tebow is listed at 250/1. Fuck off Bovada you troll.

Super Bowl Champ:

Eagles at 40/1??? Not a shot in hell, even though those odds seem high. SF is the favorite right now at 6/1, but I’m not all about the favorite or the sexy pick which I guess would be Pats 9/1, Falcons 14/1 or Texans 18/1, which I actually really, really like Houston’s odds. But if you want to make it rain, gotta make the right play. For me I don’t think they’re going to win it all, especially with that souless ginger at the helm, but it’s some damn good odds to win some good scratch.

PICK: BENGALS 33:1 (not a chance in hell)

Honestly don’t think I’ve ever broke even throughout an entire season, but fuck it. It’s football season baby. Here’s to swimmin with bow legged women.