Welcome to Big Game Week: El Pres, Big Cat, Riggs and more LIVE from Barstool ScottsdaleWATCH NOW

Congrats To This Soccer Player Who Needed 10 Stitches On His Dick After Getting Kicked

Classic good news bad news situation here. Bad news? Your dick has a giant gash in it. Definitely bad news there. That’s less than ideal. Never a good situation when a doctor has to take a needle and thread to your shaft. I got stitches on my thumb once and I almost passed out. I can’t imagine getting stitches on my waist thumb. Good news? Your dick is big enough that it required 10 stitches to sew it up. That’s a lot, right? 10 stitches for a limp dick? Sounds like a lot. Anything in the double digits seems like a good thing. 9 stitches? LOL tiny dick boy. 10 stitches? I just assume the dude has a hog. Even if it’s not a lot, it sounds like a lot and promoting your dick size is all about perception. It’s also an easy way to bring up that you have a big dick. “Do you have any scars?” Well actually I have a giant scar on my giant dick after getting a giant gash on my previously-mentioned giant dick.

PS- There were no pictures that I could find. This is one of those situations where none of us want to the see the pictures of a sewn up dick but in reality all of us want to see pictures of a sewn up dick. It has to look narrrrrrrrrrrsty.