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Did The Knicks Sign Tim Hardaway Jr. To A $71 Million Contract To Ensure They Tank Over The Next 4 Years?

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Look at those fucking numbers. Yeah I know it’s early and blah blah blahhhhhh. But we are a full three games into the Knicks season and I already dread every time they play. I don’t really care about the losses because I knew those were coming. That’s why I cuncelled before the season started. This year was just about seeing if KP could shoulder the load as a number 1 option and seeing what we had in young guys like Frank, Willy, and the rest of the United Knations. I thought I would be able to avoid getting mad online about the Knicks if I cuncelled them. Even the Celtics fans that were chirping me for some odd reason when everyone on the planet knows the Knicks suck didn’t come close to getting under my skin.

But seeing these Tim Hardaway Jr. stats pop up on Twitter every night are going to drive me insane. I (as well as every basketball fan with a brain) hated the contract when it rumored and loathed it when it became official. What followed was optimist (read: dumb) Knicks fans talking about how Hardaway looked great for the Hawks after they sent him to the D-League. THE D-LEAGUE (now the G-League named after redacted #nofreeads). That’s the guy the Knicks spent $71 million on. But hey, they told Tim that they wanted him to work on getting better on offense AND defense after paying him a boatload of money. That always works out well! When Jayson Tatum dunked through Hardaway’s skull last night, the first thought I had was whether the Knicks could clear him off the books on account of him dying on a basketball court.

The only rationale I can come up with is that this is all a beautiful plan by Steve Mills, who was in charge when the Hardaway contract was signed. Mills knows the Knicks need to build through young, cheap talent in the draft if they ever want to become a competitive franchise again. Tanking goes against everything in a competitive person’s DNA and the NBA is now cracking down on teams that tank. If you sit all your starters for a game and Trust The Process, sirens are going to go off at league headquarters and Adam Silver’s alien-looking ass is going to fly his spaceship to your arena and penalize your franchise. But if you have a starter that is one of the worst players in the league per dollar, then there is nothing the NBA or your competitive instincts can do. They are handcuffed. Tim Hardaway Jr. is our ace in the hole and gives the Knicks the best chance to land the number 1 pick every year. There is no other way to explain that much money being invested in a player like THJ. And if that is the plan, I don’t hate it. I mean look at that graph again.

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If Hardaway played any worse, he would be to the left of the chart’s axis or whatever they call that on a graph. I can’t even add without using a calculator. I sure as fuck don’t know what different parts of a chart are called. So I take back everything bad I said about Steve Mills if he signed Tim Hardaway Jr. to be the Knicks double agent. Maybe Mills is actually dumb like a fox. He tanked as GM the last few years so he could ascend to Team President and make real changes. That would make more sense than any other explanation I have gotten for how he became President despite the Knicks being a dumpster fire for basically the entire time he has been associated with the franchise.

And if Mills didn’t sign Tim Hardaway Jr. to that massive contract with tanking in mind, then I have a shirt to wear in order to take my frustrations out on the worst franchise and owner in sports.


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