Inmate Sues the Penal System Over His 91-Hour Erection


Tulsa WorldA Wilburton man was mocked and needlessly denied medical care by jail officials while suffering a 91-hour erection in 2016, according to a $5 million lawsuit filed on his behalf.

Dustin Lance alleges in his civil rights lawsuit that …  his troubles began Dec. 15, 2016, when, while incarcerated in the county jail, he ingested a pill offered to him by another inmate.

Lance, in his petition, says he made jail personnel aware the next day that he was suffering “unbearable pain” as a result of his condition. …

Rather than transport Lance to a Tulsa hospital, Pittsburg County officials returned the 32-year-old to the jail, where they arranged for him to be released on his own recognizance, according to the lawsuit.

First of all, I’m going to try to not let this destroy my faith in pills handed to you by incarcerated strangers. If you can’t trust the integrity of boner medicine you got out of someone’s pocket in county lockup, what is there left to believe in?

Second, let’s be clear that the guards have no right to mock the pain of a man in their custody. Unless it’s pain caused by a 91-hour hard on. These men are human beings after all. Objectively speaking, erections are funny. And 91-hour erections when you’ve got a gigabytes of “penal system” jokes at your disposal? Even more so.

If a prisoner says he’s had wood every minute for the last three days, who among us can honestly say his first thought would be “hospital” and not “good for you”? I mean, Dustin Lance is stuck in a cell. Not TV. No phone. Nothing to do to pass the time. It’s only natural to assume a never-ending boner would be the perfect companion. And since they let him go, so much the better. They sent him back out into the world with a pants tent and an entire population of people who could help him put it to good use. That doesn’t sound like a lawsuit to me. It sounds like a nice thank you note written in cursive is in order. Case dismissed.