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University Offering First Ever Bachelor's Degree In Weed Tells Stoners Not To Apply

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Source - Looking to capitalize on the rising demand for cannabis, Northern Michigan University is offering a marijuana-focused degree — but stoners need not apply.

“Obviously, the program is new and different and it might speak to a certain crowd. But for a student to succeed, they’re going to have to be very dedicated and motivated,” Brandon Canfield, associate chemistry professor, told the Detroit Free Press of the medicinal plant chemistry Bachelor of Science degree.

“This is not an easy program. It’s a really intense, biology chemistry program,” Canfield added. He noted that while students won’t grow marijuana plants in the program, they do study similar plants with medicinal value.

The public university in the Great Lakes State launched the program for the fall 2017 semester, with about a dozen students currently enrolled. In addition to courses in chemistry, biology, botany and horticulture, students will also study marketing and finance, the paper reported.

While other colleges and universities offer classes or certificates in marijuana policy and law, Northern Michigan breaks ground to offer the first four-year degree dedicated to the science and business of growing marijuana.

No parent wants to send their kid off to school to get a degree in weed. But a degree in the business and science of marijuana? That’s prestigious. It’s a difficult program to get into (wink, wink). They only accept the most passionate, dedicated students. The kinds of students like sophomore Alex R., who was quoted describing the degree to his friends, “when they hear what my major is, there are a lot of people who say, ‘Wow, cool dude. You’re going to get a degree growing marijuana.” Which is true but it’s much more than that. Luckily, I was able to get my hands on the curriculum. I summarized a few key points below so you don’t have to read the whole thing.

Lesson One: Copping seeds from your neighborhood scumbag. You’re going to need to find the kid in the Fox racing t-shirt. His older brother has a friend who grows plants in his grandma’s garden. She has early onset so he can get away with it. He drives a white Pontiac Grand Am. Shoot him a text and he’ll get back to you in a week. Make sure you text after five though because he only has nights and weekends and is going to freak if his mom yells at him again. Once you get your hands on the seeds, throw them in the ground and wait.

Lesson Two: Harvest the plants. Once they’re ready, pick them and dry them in the shed just don’t let Nick Baily know about it or he’ll try to rob you. Don’t smoke it either. Biggie Smalls said it best, never get high on your own supply. Besides, it’s going to take thirty days to dry. If you smoke it before then you might as well light your money on fire.

Lesson Three: Marketing and sales. Which is by far the most important of all the lessons. First, you’re going to want to come up with a name for your weed. If you can’t come up with a name use the stripper method (childhood pet X street name = weed strain.) Mine is Pumpkin River. Once you’ve got the name figured out you start to sell it. Best place to start is at a Newbury Comics or Spencer’s Gifts. If there aren’t any in your hometown find one of these, post up, and watch the money roll in.

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That’s the cliff notes version but you get the idea. Pretty simple stuff.

It’s incredible to think that students are taking out loans to get degrees in weed when just a few years ago it was illegal in all fifty states. These kids are probably just ahead of the curve. Good on them for knowing what they want to do early on. At least their degree is concentrated. Oh, and best of luck to the school with the whole “no stoners” rule. I have a feeling it’s going to be an uphill battle.