Barstool’s Champions League Preview – Group Stage Matchday 3(b)

Sam’s Soccer Safe Space For Stoolies

Hello haters,

This is gonna be a quick hitter. Who’s playing, what to watch for, and who’s winning. In and out.

But first, time to get your mind right:

Neither here nor there, by the way, but this made me giggle yesterday.

Godamit Ronny, you are a treasure. Now onto the games…



Scores from yesterday:


– Spurs got some good fortune (ridiculous Lloris save and a couple shots off the post) but going into the Bernabeu and coming out with a legit 1-1 draw is downright impressive

– Liverpool hanging a seven-spot on someone – anyone – is, well, let’s just say unexpected. Hopefully they left a little gas in the tank for this weekend…

– Oh baby what is you doin, Dortmund? (BVBabyjesus put a game-winner on a golden platter with a last minute cross but Aubameyang didn’t do much with it and it ended up being palmed away by… wait for it… this guy

– You, me and everybody else that read yesterday’s blog ate well last night thanks to Spartak Moscow… as if there was any doubt that those Sawwwwft Sevillans would fold under the climatological and/or geopolitical pressures of playing in Mother Russia.

Anyway, updated standings for the eight groups:


And games on deck today:



Chelsea [-180]
Roma [+450]
Draw [+320]

The big question of the day is who is going to be the first EPL club to drop the ball.

Chelsea is coming off a shambolic loss to previously winless, previously scoreless Palace. Was that an aberration or cause for concern?

The continued absence of Alvaro Morata is a problem. Strikers live and die on confidence and Tony Conte has not even tried to hide the fact he has ZERO faith in Batshuayi, which is clearly weighing on the young fella.


Alrighty, so never mind everything just wrote. I had this game penciled in as a 1-1 draw, particularly given the returns of Nainggolan and Strootman to shore up Roma’s midfield. Having a striker who is in form, or at least was until picking up a Sturridge three weeks ago, changes the dynamic. The Romans are good and have proven capable of locking down scoreless draws (reference: first UCL matchday versus Atletico), and missing N’Golo Kante in midfield will be an issue for the home side, but the Blues should have enough weapons to get it done. Roma is a good value play here but I’m going Chelsea to win 2-1.

Me anytime I talk to a hot girl

Me anytime I talk to a hot girl


Benfica [+330]
United [-120]
Draw [+250]

Funny thing about Benfica this season: they are not that good. United putting out a strong XI. I know I know I know, first rule of Champions League is never underestimate the damn Portuguese, and if they have a chance today it will be to pack it in and sneak one on the counter. Just don’t think they have the manpower – as in literal physical strength – to keep Lukaku far enough away from goal. United to win 2-0.


Is that one of those itty bitty Spanish midfielders? Nope, it’s Phil Jones.

Is that one of those itty bitty Spanish midfielders? Nope, it’s Phil Jones.


Bayern [-1100]
Celtic [+2000]
Draw [+1050]

Perhaps Ze Germans are a bit out of sorts what with the recent turmoil and what not so maybe, just maybe, the Bhoys are catching at the right time? Yep, nope. Bayern to win 3-0.


Bonus upset special: ‘Member when I said nobody likes traveling to Mother Russia this time of year, especially from the warm environs of southern Spain? (Right, that was yesterday.) Well Switzerland ain’t exactly the Costa del Sol, and CSKA ain’t exactly Spartak Moscow. Watch out for the wee Baseleans today. Basel to win 3-1.


Reminder: got another biggggggggg slate tomorrow…. Hahaha, nah, kidding. It’s just Europa.

Samuel Army