Google Maps Had An Update That Told You How Many Calories A Walk Burned And People Were UPSET

Screen Shot 2017-10-17 at 2.12.58 PMScreen Shot 2017-10-17 at 2.12.47 PMScreen Shot 2017-10-17 at 2.12.31 PMScreen Shot 2017-10-17 at 2.12.20 PMScreen Shot 2017-10-17 at 2.12.13 PMScreen Shot 2017-10-17 at 2.12.08 PM

(Yahoo)Google is constantly testing new features for its Maps app, from the estimated elevation for cyclists to video footage of the searched location. But this time, a feature for directions that shows you how many calories you’d burn when in walking mode caused quite a backlash online. With the test update, which also showed you how many mini cupcakes (!) you’d burn if you walked instead of drove, Google probably wanted to motivate people to stop being lazy bastards to be more healthy. It got the opposite reaction. 

Guess what? I’m 100% on Team Don’t Show Me Calories here. I may not care enough to send a strongly worded tweet about it into the atmosphere, but I’m absolutely aligned with these crazy gals.

You know why? Calories are like money, if you don’t know about them then they don’t count. I don’t check my bank account fucking ever, I haven’t done it in months, so you know how much money I’ve spent in that time? Exactly zero dollars according to my records. Same goes for calories. Don’t put that shit on the menu and tell me my burger, which I want more than anything in the world, is a billion calories. Don’t put that shit on my Google Maps and tell me how fucking lazy I am for ordering an Uber to go 7 blocks when I could be burning off some mini-cupcakes. I don’t need that stress in my life, it’s not good for my heart.

Now, if I were to address the crazy people saying it’s triggering to folks recovering from eating disorders I’d ask if they also want all foods to remove nutritional facts, but I’m not going to do that. I’m simply going to stand with them in solidarity and tell Google to please get my own laziness out of my face.