This INCREDIBLE Chinese Slinky Salesman Has Me Wanting To Take Ecstasy And Play With Slinkies All Weekend

That. Was. AWESOME! Holy FUCKING HELL. Sign me up for the drugs, man! I’m not a club drug guy because someone once told me that line about how taking ecstasy is like taking an ice cream scoop out of your brain. And my ice cream scoops are massive. I dig deep and pull out most of the pint. It’s not a round scoop, it’s just a massive chunk of ice cream that one could loosely call a “scoop” because I used a scooper to unearth it. Whether or not the brain-scoop theory is true, I can’t risk removing that much of my brain.

Regardless, this dude’s mastery of the slinky is mesmeric. When he went no-hands and slinked it off the table on its own, I audibly gasped. I haven’t seen skill like that since last night when I went down a Heather Ideepthroat rabbit hole. And what an amazing sales technique. Those kids are 100% buying one of his slinkies, thinking that by tomorrow, they’ll be recreating Dumbledore’s magic in their bedroom. What a bunch of fucking idiots! Classic kid mentality. They all want immediate gratification. Kids aren’t willing to work for anything anymore. Do you know how many years it took this dude to manipulate a slinky like a dolphin trainer at Seaworld manipulates his fishies? These kids will beg their parents to buy a slinky. They’ll go home, play with it for a day, get nowhere, and give up. Zero commitment to excellence. Zero willingness to do what it takes. Stupid spoiled brats. Fuck these kids.

Everyone loves a slinky.