Newsweek- Actress and human rights activist Angelina Jolie was involved in a bizarre and audacious plot, along with ex-husband Brad Pitt, to arrest Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony. According to a report published in British newspaper The Sunday Times, Luis Moreno Ocampo, the former chief prosecutor for the International Criminal Court, asked Jolie to take part in a scheme to lure Kony out of hiding in the Central African Republic. The plot was outlined in emails shared with the Times by French website Mediapart.
“Forget other celebrities, she is the one,” Moreno Ocampo wrote in one e-mail obtained by the publications. “She loves to arrest Kony. She is ready. Probably Brad will go also.” The plot involved embedding Jolie and Pitt with a unit of U.S. Special Forces soldiers close to Kony’s stronghold. Ocampo claimed that Jolie was keen to take part in the plot, and she suggested luring Kony to a private dinner where he would be arrested. “Brad is being supportive. Let’s discuss logistics. Much love Xxx,” Jolie reportedly wrote to Ocampo. American troops, he told her, “are eager to get Kony … [and] after meeting you, they will do it.”
However the plan reportedly fizzled out, and Jolie did not reply to several emails from Ocampo. Joseph Kony is the leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army, a militant group that formerly operated in Uganda. In 2005, he was indicted by the International Criminal Court in the Hague for war crimes and crimes against humanity, but has evaded capture.
That my friends is why Angelina Jolie is the baddest bitch in Hollywood. Or whatever Third World country she is in right now as she tries to bring them drinkable water in exchange for a kid or some shit. Most actors and actresses make their big political statements as they are accepting a trophy before the band plays them off and they go to an afterparty with more drugs than a Dolphins offensive line meeting. But not our girl Ange. We’ve known she was a little different back when she was wearing Billy Bob Thorton’s blood on her neck. And this story only reinforces it. Hollywood’s elite wants to go out an make a difference while Angelina is trying to become Mrs. Smith in real life and trap a piece of human garbage. I wasn’t sure if this scheme would work because most Ugandan warlords may have their bullshit radars up if someone like Angelina Jolie was looking for a dinner. But the fact of the matter is any man with a dick is going to fall for an Angelina Jolie honeytrap plan they watch the sex scene from Mr. & Mrs. Smith.
Kony pondering the dinner invitation before watching that scene.
Kony pondering the dinner invitation after watching that scene.
My favorite part of this story is how Brad Pitt would “probably” get involved in all of this as well. That statement just reeks of a husband being dragged into something he didn’t want to do by his wife. Hell, this plot is probably what greased the skids for their divorce. I imagine Brad Pitt would have loved nothing more than become a millionaire, marry a smoke, and spend the rest of his days living like his character Floyd from True Romance.
Instead his crazy, sexy wife turned into a United Nations secret agent that was adopting kids faster than Barstool hires interns. Luckily for Brad, Angelina probably thought of another way to try to save the world and just marked all of this Ocampo dude’s emails to Spam.
P.S. If we are being honest, the only thing I know about this Kony guy is that this video went super viral five years ago and everyone said it was fake as fuck.
Was it actually real? Was it fake? Is this Angelina Jolie story itself a new, updated version of the hoax? Is KONY 2017 about to be the hottest shit in the streets? I have no clue what is going on. I need to have a sitdown with Riggsy and have him breakdown what is actually true in all this shit.