Instruments Down: Someone Came On The Flutes!


Several school districts in Southern California warned parents this weekend that flutes and recorders given to children through a nonprofit music program may have been contaminated with bodily fluids. At least one district specified that those fluids could have been semen.

Local, state and federal agencies were investigating a male music teacher who visited schools in Southern California through a program called Flutes Across the World, according to updates from the Saugus Union School District, which serves the Santa Clarita area.

“The performer distributes a flutelike musical instrument made of PVC pipe or bamboo to students during a music lesson, and the allegation is that he contaminated some of these instruments with semen,”

Obviously, cumming on on musical instruments is nothing new. If you’ve been in the band, you have came on your instrument. Cello? Yup. Tuba? You betcha. Even the percussion section has been known to be extremely liberal with their fluids. I put a literal ocean of cum on my snare drum when I was an angsty teen. Still sounded good. I’m like a human metronome. Pretty impressive. That being said, it is absolutely no surprise to me that someone busted a nut on a paper flute. Dare I say, it’s normal? After all, people have been sticking flutes in their vaginas for years which can result in a girl cum.

I hate using that clip, but it was needed to cement my point. I still maintain my stance that I will never write pussy in the blog.

What’s the problem then? The problem is that you simply cannot re-gift a jizzed flute to a child. You have to throw it away.

“But Chaps, if they are made from paper and whathaveyou, couldn’t you just recycle the flutes? No reason to waste natural resources imo.”

Sure, you could if there’s a recycling station near you. Some people are too embarrassed to carry around their aerophones woodwinds that are literally dripping with semen to the recycling station. I hate it as much as anybody. This whole story just goes to show that we need to take recycling more seriously. I’ve been doing my part. I’ve started using cloth rags as jizz rags again. No more paper towels for me. Every little bit counts. Good work, everybody.