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Giants Lose Another Game On A Walkoff Field Goal And Fall To 0-4

Nothing like watching the Giants lose another game on a walkoff field goal as Tiki fucking Barber of all people announces their season getting a nail with the word Cuncel on it driven into the coffin, along with the Randall Cobb Hail Mary being shown every other commercial break. Folk almost missing the field goal hurt, but I’m actually happy he hit it. Because if that offsides penalty cost the Giants from winning the game and then Folk nailed the next one, I might be at the top of a bridge instead of writing this blog.

I thought maybe Eli Manning ditching the glove and Benny hiding that sellout haircut would provide the juju needed to give the Giants their first win of the season. I even tried to add my own good juju in the mix, since my spinners miraculously healed* Sterling Shepard’s and Odell Beckham’s injuries.

*Actual effectiveness up for debate

But the field goal gods shined on us for a little before ripping our hearts out again with a missed Rosas kick and Nick Folk remembering how to kick just enough at the end of the game.

My mind is scatterbrained as fuck right now since the game just ended, so I’m just gonna break everything down in bullet form.

– Eli Apple should never be anywhere NEAR the same zip code of coverage on Mike Evans.

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Thank God Laremy Tunsil has stunk so far this season. How do I know that? Because I check his PFF grades every week because I am terrified of thie Apple pick becoming Frederic Weis over Ron Artest all over again.

– The Giants defense really came to play early in the game, but Jameis just made a great play on this long touchdown and snuck the ball into a very tight window here. Gotta tip your cap to him.

For real, the beginning of the game definitely had a 2015 defense feel to it, which sucked.

– Olivier Vernon leaving the game with an ankle injury obviously didn’t help matters. Snacks limping off sent every Giants fan into full panic mode. Luckily he came back. Unfortunately it probably doesn’t mean shit when this season is all said and done.

– Nick Folk turning into Roberto Aguayo actually did help matters. A huge reason the Giants hung around is because the winner non-loser for the Bucs job in training camp couldn’t buy a bucket until Folk hit that walkoff.

– Brad Wing needs to FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT how to stop shanking punts or else the Giants need to make a change. Between his performance in last year’s Wild Card game, last week to setup the Eagles game winning drive, and today, he has to be on thin ice. And it’s not just because he is a grown man with braces.

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My top 3 picks for a potential Wing replacement (in reverse order).

3. Steve Weatherford for obvious reasons.

2. Pat McAfee, also for obvious reasons.

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1. Zach Feagles, I don’t care if this is what his punt looked like on Friday.

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I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf. A Feagles should always be punting for the Giants and a Stark should always be the ruler of Winterfell.

– The worst part of this game wasn’t the injuries to star players or that the the Giants dropped to 0-4 and essentially ended their season. It was the fact the Giants lost in a game where Eli Manning scored a rushing touchdown.

You simply CANNOT lose games where Eli scores a rushing touchdown.

– Eli, by the way, leads the Giants in rushing touchdowns through 4 weeks of the season. Chew on that stat for the next seven days.

– On the bright side of this disaster of a loss, Wayne Gallman Jr. looked like he may be Actually Good. Granted, Paul Perkins looked good compared to Rashad Jennings last year. This could be the same case now that Perkins runs like a zombie in quicksand. Instead of looking at advanced stats and pythagorean theorems, I am just going to rewatch his college highlights and convince myself he is a future 1600 yard rusher.

– Also on the bright side, at least there’s a chance this season completely falls apart and the Giants end up with the quarterback the Jets are playing themselves out of.

Just kidding.

Right?

– The offense has been better than earlier this season, but the defense hasn’t been the unit that ended last season and Big Blue hasn’t come clooooose to putting together a complete game on both sides of the ball. Injuries have played a part in that for sure. Multiple playmakers on D have been dinged and Odell seems to be hobbling around at the end of games that he plays. The bottom line is that 0-4 in a 16 game season is pretty much a death sentence. And while Benny Mac has been my guy because he is a funny looking fucker with the brain of a madman, it may be his head, along with that jinx-filled, gel-filled hair that deservingly rolls at the end of the season. Maybe along with Jerry Reese.

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– If Benny doesn’t get canned soon, he is definitely going to give us a classic rant/meltdown/sound bite that lives on in a Coors Light commercial. He was teetering in that territory after today’s game.

Can’t wait for next week’s game vs. the 0-4 Chargers, which I will be in attendance for. My plan is to blackout at the tailgate so I don’t remember how the Giants get their hearts ripped out. Actually with these two teams’ track records, this may be the first ever double loss in NFL history.